Making the Band
The Britney Spears Tour

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Pamie: B+ | Grade It Now!
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"Something, Something, Move, Move, Move!"

We finally get to the opening credits. I can't believe how much they're still like last season's opening credits. Can't MTV pay for a better song or something? It sounds like the opening for a PBS children's show.

Jamie Foxx is giving the boys a pep talk at their rehearsal space in Orlando. Oh. My bad. I guess that guy is "Ed," the choreographer. Anyway, he explains to the kids that Britney is actually talented, and that they are going to have to be good if they don't want to look like assholes. However, those aren't the words he chooses in order to explain that; instead, he says: "Britney got Neptune beat. You guys get off-stage with a gang of slow jams and corny pop. She's about to light the shit up with hip-hop. I've seen her rehearsals. I've been in there. I've seen them." Aren't y'all glad I'm here to translate?

Ashley says that he's not sure how they're going to compete with Britney. Erik is worried because they only have a week to get ready for this tour. Ashley says they won't have any smoke and mirrors when Britney's going to be nothing but smoke and mirrors, and they still have to do a show that impresses people. I can see Ashley's concern, here. None of them is going to hang upside down from a swing so that we can see their titties. Maybe Dan could look into that.

Ed explains that Britney is going to be good, and he's glad she's going to be good so that O-Town can then strive to be as good. Jacob examines a roll of tape instead of listening as Ed calls for "some real flyness."

Ashley's hair keeps changing lengths; at one point it looks like Trevor is talking to Rachel from The Real World Back to New York. Trevor says this hasn't all hit him yet, that they're going to open for Britney. He says, "I don't want to meet her and be like...you know, I wanna actually meet her." Does Trevor think "opening for Britney" means he gets to have sex with her backstage?

We see more clips of Britney's old VMA performance, as if we've forgotten what she looks like for six seconds. Actually, it's smart on the editor's part, because I'll keep watching this show hoping for that shot of Britney on her back with her legs spread where we can see her vagina. Trevor tells us that he likes Britney for "like, five reasons." In a breakthrough moment, the screen fills with a shot of Britney's stage, a tiny square of Britney frozen in the corner, and the title: "Five Reasons Trevor Likes Britney." And then, the strangest thing happens: I laugh. Not because someone said something stupid. Not because I'm weakened in my trapped position. Not because I'm exhausted. It's actually funny that the editors make this list for Trevor and his reasons. Congrats, MTB; Season Three is looking up. Reason #1 that Trevor likes Britney: "She fine."

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Making the Band

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