Making the Band
The Replacement

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In Dan We Trust

Okay, fanatics. O-Town's appearance on All My Children is slated to air in mid-September. I'll tell you more once the date's cemented, but right now it's tentatively scheduled for September 18. And if this show isn't real enough for you, drop by my pal Omar's Survivor recaps -- he's excellent, he's covering the finale, and he did the August 16 episode as well.

Last time on MTB, Ikaika left -- just in case anyone missed the memo. "He deserted us...left us high and dry," spits Erik-Michael in a voice-over patched together to sound a lot more bitter than he actually was. Someone spouts a pat explanation for why Mike and Bryan couldn't fill the void, and we learn that all O-Town wants in life is a little Dan Miller lovin'. Lou calls him, because he could use a little Miller Time himself.

Ikaika's still in the credits. Dan isn't there yet, because of course no one knows whether he makes it. It's a mystery. Really.

A honkin' Man Van pulls up to the O-zone lair -- "honking" in the sense that it's both large and beeping like a metal detector on Trevor's sweet muscles. Dan Miller steps out and the O-Town boys hug him happily. I think it's love. "For months he thought this was done and over with," Ashley shares. "Then out of the blue we want him to come be the fifth." Ashley says they all realize Dan might not make it, so they're trying not to inflate his hopes, or their own. Helpfully, Bunim-Murray emblazons the screen with a graphic: "Day One of Dan Miller's Audition." It's a two-day affair. So why does Dan have approximately four large suitcases? "Those knee-length sweater-vests take up a lot of room," Lou tells me. "And, I asked him to bring a trousseau of naughty nighties." Trev carts some of Dan's bags into Ikaika's old bedroom. Hordes of Mardi Gras beads festoon Trevor's arm/shoulder area -- clearly, someone in the house has a lovely set of breasts. "I bought clothes at the store" -- THE store? -- "and left the tags on because if this doesn't work out, they're going straight back to the store!" Dan chortles. There it is again. "The store." Maybe it's The Store, you know, like when people have a pet rabbit and name it Rabbit. On the wall, there's a huge, puke-green painting with a tiny handprint on the right-center side. I think it symbolizes that these young men are vomitous youths. In confessional, Dan says the guys probably expected him to cavort through the halls and wax rhapsodic about the lake, the boat, and the hugeness of it all. "I've got other things on my mind," Dan says. "There's music to be made and dance steps to be learned, and I had to catch up." This child opens his mouth very wide when he talks, at least in the confessional scenes. Maybe that's why Lou hired him. Oh wait! Whoops. I let the cat out of the bag -- or in this case, the Dan out of the Man Van.

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Making the Band

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