Married By America

When marriage is its own penalty

By Miss Alli | Aired on 04.13.2003

Finale - Previously on Dead and Married: The Preoperational Stage. The peeps. The scandalous secrets. The white dresses. The tuxes. The rings. The wrist holes. The screens. The chemistry. The lack of chemistry. The SUVs. The Huggy-Boo. The sex. The lack...

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1-8 Recap	When marriage is its own penalty Finale - There are a lot of wedding trappings, but no one actually gets married. Or wins a prize. Or does anything interesting. This is the most unnecessary two-hour episode ever, considering that it would have required padding to fill one hour.	04.13.2003	N/A	Miss Alli
Ep.	Title	Air/Pub'l	Grade	Author
1-7 Recap	Heaving Las Vegas Episode 8 - Bachelor parties! Strippers! Whipped cream! Wedding dresses! Tiaras! Ricky Martin! And it's still as dull as dirt.	04.06.2003 04.13.2003	N/A	Miss Alli
1-6 Recap	Family Slapshots Episode 7 - Jill and Kevin discuss Playboy and the use of the word "sweetie" with Scary Anthony and the new Bunky. Tony and BJ deal with Crying Duane. Denise and Stephen enjoy a happy family meeting, and then are booted.	03.30.2003 04.06.2003	C+	Miss Alli
1-5 Recap	Au Revoir, Freedomy Episode 6 - Sex week comes to the Huggy-Boo Ranch, as our couples explore their fantasies, their hang-ups, and in Stephen and Denise's case, their mutual emotional dysfunction. But there is no joy in Jennifer and Xavier-ville; mighty Frenchy has struck out.	03.23.2003 03.29.2003	C+	Miss Alli
1-4 Recap	Makeouts and Fakeouts Episode 5 - Our five couples move into the Copper North Ranch, where they react with everything from lust to horror at the realization that they've agreed to marry strangers. What wacky things will happen when there's only one bed? When there's a wacky date? When three pinheads grill them about their nonexistent "relationships"? Oh, come on and pretend you care.	03.16.2003 03.23.2003	C+	Miss Alli
1-3 Recap	Familiarity Breeds Contempt Episode 4 - No, really. It does. It's a lot better not to find out a lot of stuff about somebody before you decide to marry him or her, because all that will happen is that you'll get all tangled up in all the things that might be wrong with him or her. If you want to be happily married, it's better to go with a stranger. Really. Watch these five engagements and see if you're not convinced.	03.09.2003 03.15.2003	D+	Miss Alli
1-2 Recap	Doofus, Xavier, Ass-parilla Episode 3 - They're at it again, those wacky matchmakers at Fox. Who will marry Matt? Who will marry Jennifer? Who will bring Miss Alli an aspirin?	03.04.2003 03.08.2003	N/A	Miss Alli
1-1 Recap	Welcome To The Hellmouth Episode 1 And 2 - You'd think it would have to at least be amusingly horrific. You would be wrong.	03.02.2003 03.04.2003	N/A	Miss Alli