So it's not that offensive, right? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Right. No, you missed the twist. If they get married, they get a car. And they get $100,000. And if they stay married (what that means is not specified), they get a house. Boy, this is going to bring a whole new meaning to a kid sitting down and saying, "Dad, what made you want to marry Mom?" "Well, son, she was kind and caring. And they offered me a sweet cherry-red Ferrari."
So basically, it's like a pageant. Crossed with The Bachelor. Crossed with prostitution, extortion, bribery, and much of the book of Revelation.
Our first single-and-ready-to-mingle is Jill, who looks kind of like a horse would look if you overplucked its eyebrows. We see her at home, showing off her bedroom, and then we see her in an interview, looking really, really surprised. Jill, you see, has a very unfortunate thing going on where her eyes look like they're pinned open with toothpicks, plus her eyebrows are severely overplucked and weirdly curved, so believe me when I tell you? She looks surprised. Pretty much always. She begins by telling us that men are intimidated by her, which she attributes to her beauty and I attribute to...well, have I mentioned her weird-ass eyebrows? Jill's mother appears next, and -- wow, who knew you could inherit overplucked eyebrows, for God's sake? You can't inherit that kind of characteristic! Does Darwin know about this? Jill's mom, Michelle, tells us that Jill wants to be known as more than just a pretty face. What else she wants to be is not specified. As it turns out, it looks like she's some kind of decorative sports broadcast cupcake. For some reason, explaining to us that men find it difficult to accept her career requires Jill to use both fists. Whatever, Jill. Then we see her sitting with her family and friends, asking them what kind of guy they think she needs. One of them says there's no one for her, and even her dad says she's too selfish to date. And then, like all girls who are selfish and needy, Jill explains that when she starts to fall in love, she backs off out of fear of getting hurt. I'm sorry, is there anyone left who doesn't claim to do that? If Pepe Le Pew cartoons were made now, he would tell the cat that he backs off out of fear of getting hurt. She says she wants someone. The operative word being "someone." As in, "anyone." As Jill's profile ends, the audience applauds her like a beauty contestant as she walks down to meet Sean. Sean asks her how it's possible that a girl who's into sports can't meet a guy. Oh, I don't know, Sean, because she's a ninny? She says it's hard to meet anybody, blah blah blah, and says she's "career-orientated." Her sleeves are coming to get you.