When we come back, it's time for Stephen's peeps to pick some chicks for him. Stephen's best friend Mo, sister Paula, and roommate Mike are present and accounted for. Asked why Stephen wanted to do this ridiculous thing, Mo says, "Things happen." It's almost like this show is on top of a dormant volcano, and everyone is afraid that if they say anything interesting, the volcano will erupt. Anyway, the women vying for Stephen's greasy paw in marriage will be Trisha (Muzzle-Needer), Alessandra (Italian), Denise D. (September 11th Made Me Do It), Denise L. (bull rider), and Darrien (alleged athlete). They take their places on the Disks of Destiny. Off with the rest of you skanks!
Time for the peeps to ask their questions. The opening question is: what is the most selfish thing you've ever done in a relationship? Denise L. -- falling back on what she learned about how to answer a question in a job interview about what your weaknesses are as an employee -- says that it's that she's a workaholic, so sometimes she neglects her relationships. Ah, yes -- one of those "I'm selfish only in that I'm overly good" sorts of answers. Mo looks unconvinced, even after Denise L. promises she "kisses behind" to make up for it. Alessandra is next. Her answer is simply that she needs attention, so sometimes she is selfish. Way to not answer the question, nitwit. You know your answer is bad when you have to chirp "That's it" at the end of it. Next up is Darrien, who says that she moved to L.A. without consulting her boyfriend, but that they broke up eventually anyway, so it was all for the best. Or something. She has really weird, limp hair. On to Trisha, who says the most selfish thing she's ever done in a relationship was eating the guy's leftovers. Audience: "Ha! Ha ha ha!" That is seriously so funny. Denise D. says that she doesn't do selfish things. She's a giver! She just wants to give give give give! She actually refuses to answer the question. Denise D. is just that unselfish.
Shockingly, when the peeps put their pointy little heads together, they come up with the brilliant idea of booting Trisha for her "leftovers" answer and keeping Denise D. and her I'm-a-giver- not-a-fighter routine. What are they thinking?
Now for the shocking secret portion of our questioning. My "porn" prediction from earlier comes semi-true when it turns out that the secret is that Denise L. once posed for Playboy. Again, SO scandalous! No guy's friends are going to set him up with you, knowing that you're a Playboy model! She's history! Oh, no, she's not. You know, I don't normally spend a lot of time looking at boobs, but Denise L.'s are, like, distracting. It's partly the arrangement of ruffles on her shirt, but it's partly just...I don't know. I've never seen a woman who looked so much like she had oranges in her bra. Or grapefruits, I guess.