Married By America

Episode Report Card
1084 USERS: C+
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Doofus, Xavier, Ass-parilla

Now, as Sean explains, we will send the peeps off with the remaining candidates to the interrogation room. Where that dentist from Alias will be waiting with his two-step epoxy. Or something. You know, it now occurs to me that Sean looks a little like a hard-boiled egg with a little face painted on it. That forehead is impressive. Announcer-Man tells us that after the commercial break, Jill's three remaining suitors will return to hear whether they've made the final Peep Cut.

Back from commercial, Egghead tells us that nothing has happened while we were gone -- they've still got Jennifer locked away, and the peeps were off grilling the guys. We see a couple of brief flashes of interrogation. Xavier is asked, "How would you handle being married to a woman who likes to call the shots?" "That's a very een-teresting question," he says, "I've never experienced that before, to be honest, because it's kind of natural that I call zee shots." Ew. Who knew you couldn't trust a French clothing importer in a pinstripe suit to have up-to-date views of female equality? Damn. Stephcrest makes a face, but I'm not sure he's not just holding in a belch. We also see Scott choke on a question about how long would be too long for Jill's mom to come visit. Ha! That question was a little funny. Scott doesn't even answer it.

Okay, we're back to the Stage of Nonevents. Joshua, Xavier, and Scott are all standing on the Peeps' Picking Pedestals. They've all changed their clothes. No, I don't know why. First, Sean will tell us what the peeps said about each of the guys. They thought Scott was "charismatic," which surprises me, considering that I was wondering if he was even conscious. On the debit side, they found him "too reserved for Jennifer." Yeah, that's the "barely conscious" thing I was noticing. They just put it a different way, I suppose. Xavier, they found to be "well-traveled" and "close to [his] family." I guess they can't very well say that he's just a hot and steamy cup of French onion soup, because it's all about substance. Substance! Anyway, they are concerned, however, that he's too "flirty" and "suave." Oh, there's no such thing as too flirty and suave. Jennifer has the worst peeps ever. In a truly bizarre twist, however, Egghead now says that they found Joshua to be a "hottie." Wait a minute, Joshua was a hottie? More than Xavier? Hell with that, man. That's what they get for leaving the determinations of hottie-ness to Stephcrest. They also think Joshua is "ambitious" and "motivated." On the other hand, he's young and lacks life experience.

Married By America

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