Married By America
Episode 3

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Doofus, Xavier, Ass-parilla

Sean shows us Jennifer in her isolation booth again, and then we return to the peeps for the final decision on the next narrowing of the field. Next to go is Jeremy, unsurprisingly enough. Stephcrest gives the lame and phony excuse that Jeremy is from Atlanta, and one of the reasons Jennifer went on the show was to meet somebody who isn't from Atlanta. That is seriously the worst blow-off excuse I've heard since "something suddenly came up." Not able to resist one last rimshot, Jeremy offers to move, if his Atlanta-ness is a problem. Ha! Ho! Har! Everyone laughs politely, because it's either that, or haul him forcibly off the stage, and most theaters don't actually carry person-sized hooks anymore, because of liability issues. On his way off the pedestal and into well-deserved obscurity, he tells Alicia that he hopes she can set him up with some of her friends. Somewhere, Alicia's friends shudder and double-check that their caller ID is working. Jeremy praises the other contestants, and then he is finally gone. Gone! He manages to squeeze in a mention of "Hot-lanta" yet again before he leaves. With Jeremy gone, the peeps are sent off for their intensive round of interviewing with Joshua, Xavier, and Scott.

When we come back from commercials, they show the promo stuff again about how after the next episode, it's not going to look so much like a cheap-ass pageant, and they show the bit again with the woman's hand through the hole in the wall. It makes me laugh again.

Now, it's Matt's turn. We see him whiling away the hours in his bluish isolation booth, drumming his hands on the arms of his chair like a ten-year-old. Which I guess he sort of is. Okay, time to meet Matt's peeps. First, his mom, Georgina. She certainly looks a bit more like she's got some of her original parts than Jennifer's mom did. Matt's sister Sarah is there, too, wearing a really eye-catching necklace that I would have recommended she leave at home. Last, but not least, is Matt's best friend Mike, who is wearing a really skeevy navy blue shiny shirt. Ew. Why do guys think that shiny shirts are ever a good idea? As my friend FlyBoy once said, a shiny shirt does nothing so much as make you want to ask the person if he's in a salsa band. Anyway, Sean asks Mike what he thinks of Mike trying to meet a woman "in this particular fashion." I guess he was looking for an alternative to "in this manner." Mike says that he was surprised, because he didn't realize Matt had sunk this low, but he apparently was truly desperate. Of course, he says it nicer.

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Married By America

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