Married By America

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B- | 482 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Au Revoir, Freedomy

Denise says that what she likes is "variety." She goes on to say, "Quickies... not-so-quickies [which gets a laugh of surprise from Stephen]...toys, no toys...romance, just down and dirty..." Stephen looks intrigued at this point. "That's a good answer," he says. "That's an excellent, excellent answer." Well, I sure hope so, genius, because it was given for your benefit. Stephen interviews that he learned that he and Denise are very sexually compatible, which he was happy about. Dr. Pepper asks Denise to rank her "top couple positions" (can this scene please end, please?), and Denise says she doesn't know the names of them. Heh. The doctor says she can just describe. Denise explains that she likes to feel the guy's weight on top of her, so she likes what she calls "laying down, uh..." Stephen breaks in: "Is that 'military,' they call it?" "Yeah, I don't know," she says. Dr. Pepper gently corrects them that it's "missionary." You know, that's twice since January that a reality-show contestant on Fox has missed the word "missionary," and it's been really funny both times. I love synergy. Stephen looks very, very embarrassed by this misstatement and pulls his jacket up over his face, which does make me laugh a little. As Stephen and Denise leave, they look substantially more at ease with each other, so it does look like it was fun for them. Particularly the way Stephen reaches for Denise's hand as they're leaving looks sort of promising. Well, you've got to love Dr. Pepper.

Denise says that meeting with the doc sparked conversations between her and Stephen, because it turned out that they had some of the same fantasies. Then, back in their room, she puts on a schoolgirl outfit (aaagh, medic!) that the show has apparently provided. Stephen interviews that it was pretty cool that she was into this, because it's a big fantasy of his. In their room on grainy-cam, Denise comes out of the bathroom wearing...is that a schoolgirl outfit? I guess so. She has white stockings, a kilt, and a white halter top with a tie. Eh. She does have two ponytails, so I guess that's kind of relevant. Stephen says he was "definitely aroused." Doing It ensues.

Billie Jeanne emerges in a French maid's outfit, and Tony likes it, and Doing It ensues, but of course, that's not really news. Did they really need help? Aren't they already, like, a walking porno movie? Hey, what do you know -- it's Billie Jeanne's pixelized ass again. Maybe I should start grading these episodes based on StBJPA.

Married By America

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