Married By America

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Miss Alli: B- | 482 USERS: C+
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Au Revoir, Freedomy

The music changes to a moody piano as Jennifer and Xavier move in to their villa (actually Stonepine's "Paddock House," which has four separate suites inside). Jennifer offers Xavier a glass of wine with all the warmth she can muster, which really isn't very much warmth. He interviews that the villa feels like home to them, as we see them share their wine in the living room. Then he starts voicing over about how Jennifer loosened up in the different environment, and then suddenly, they have a dog. No, really, there's a black and white dog for Jennifer to play with, and she definitely shows the dog more warmth than she's shown her "fiancé." Xavier interviews that he likes her a lot better in the villa than he did at the Huggy-Boo. Hey, maybe if they surround Jennifer with additional domestic props, she will get into the swing of things a little more. Somebody get a blender! And an iron! And an apron with lace edges!

Jill and Kevin's villa is, I think, part of Stonepine's "Gate House." Coincidentally, they think their incredibly lush and expensive digs are really cool, too. When Jill takes Kevin off for a tour of the rest of the house, she cheerily says, "Come on, honey." Wow, they certainly do seem to be settling in. He didn't even flinch at "honey." Jill interviews that now that they're really settled in, they'll get a chance to really see whether they're compatible in a normal situation. She would probably agree that the proceedings still do have a few hints of artifice, but hey, this is almost the way most people start out, isn't it?

Stephen and Denise settle in, and it's hard to tell where they are, actually, since there's no helpful exterior shot. Unfortunately, there is an interior shot, and you can see Stephen's very ugly bucket hat. Because he's wearing it. Ew. He points out that the walk-in closet is the same size as a studio apartment in Manhattan. Heh. They pour some wine. Stephen interviews that the new arrangement will give him and Denise more of an opportunity to "get to know each other." As they stand by the window, she comments on the beautiful house, and says, "And I have a great fiancé." And then she looks at him expectantly. "I have a...great fiancée, too," he says dutifully. They share a timid little kiss. Later, they lie on the couch resting. He still has the bucket hat on. Now, they're thoroughly cuddled up, and he's actually got her all cocooned, complete with his hand all in her hair. He looks really comfy with his eyes closed and her lying with her head on his chest. You would think Denise would recognize this as progress and perhaps LET IT THE FUCK GO for five minutes, but of course, she doesn't. She, as usual, has to look up at him and start begging him to kiss her. God, SHUT UP. Stephen interviews, unsurprisingly, that the pushiness sort of ruined what was shaping up into a sort of a nice moment for him. He goes on, unfortunately, to ruminate on the fact that he's the guy, so he has to pursue Denise, and it turns him off when she doesn't let him "chase" her. Man, they're both such dweebs. Can't we just call it a draw?

Married By America

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