Married By America
Episode 6

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Au Revoir, Freedomy

But anyway, Doing It ensues, complete with audible panting. Ah, God bless the body mic you're never allowed to take off, ever. I actually almost think I hear Denise pant, "Thank you, Stephen," but I'm going to pretend I didn't hear it, because EW.

Time for the guests to leave Huggy-Boo. Dawn and Denise hug. "I love you, and I'll miss you," says a newly smug Denise.

Elsewhere, Duane hugs Billie Jeanne, and he's actually crying. I think he's not crying because he's leaving; he's crying because he knows she's going to get completely fucked over. Seriously. I think that's why he's crying. Sniff. Billie Jeanne hugs her friends and voices over that she felt bad that only her friends got to visit, because she would have loved to meet Tony's friends, and get them to like her.

Jill bids a fond farewell to Kevin's boys. As the boys drive off, Jill and Kevin act very couple-ish. Kevin remarks that as sad as he was to see the boys go, it certainly didn't interrupt the sex marathon. One of Kevin's friends interviews that he's not sure what's going to be left of Jill and Kevin's relationship once the physical part wears off. And he doesn't even know Scary Anthony.

The couples open invitations telling them that they're invited to talk to a "relationship expert" later in the day. Apparently, this is a relationship expert other than the maroons on the panel. Denise says that when she heard it was a relationship expert, she was anxious about it, but when she found out it was a sex expert, she thought that would be great. Whatever. I hate Denise.

Tony and Billie Jeanne walk up toward their meeting with the doc, doing something I always think is interesting -- holding hands, but walking far apart. It's a very unnatural handholding thing. Billie Jeanne interviews that she was afraid that the sex doctor would "judge [them]" for having sex so early in the relationship -- or, as Billie Jeanne puts it, "in this process." That really doesn't seem likely. The editors cut the footage of all the couples arriving together so that it's all jumbly, which I hate. Same thing with the footage of the discussions -- it's all mushed up. It turns out that the doctor's name is "Dr. Pepper Schwartz." Ironically, Dr. Pepper has the stupidest name of all the experts, but she has by far the most impressive résumé, having actually gotten her degree from a real school. She sits down with the couples to interview them. As I said, it's hard to follow because of the horrible editing, but here goes.

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Married By America

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