Married By America
Episode 6

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Miss Alli: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Au Revoir, Freedomy

Dr. Pepper tells each couple that she's there to get information about them as "sexual people," and then she's going to ask them specific questions about sex. By far, the grimmest expressions come from Jennifer and Xavier, but Stephen does look plenty pink and clammy. Dr. Pepper observes to Stephen and Denise that if they get married, there will be "some expectation" of affection and sex and such, so she wonders how they think that's going. Denise looks off to the side, all cat-that-swallowed-the-canary. Stephen says that they're really just starting to get to know each other, so he's sure the sex part will follow naturally.

Xavier says that he doesn't think of sex as "this holy thing." He says he's had one-night stands, he's had sex with people he didn't really know, and he's also had sex with people he cared about a lot. Jennifer remarks that although she's not claiming sainthood, she doesn't share Xavier's attitude -- she doesn't really believe in one-night stands, and she doesn't have sex with people she doesn't know. See, I really have to wonder what made Jennifer's peeps think Xavier would be a good choice for her, because he really is just about the way it seemed like he would be, or even maybe a little nicer, and she doesn't like his whole smooth-French-guy thing at all. It's like they went out and got her the most expensive sweater, but they didn't bother getting it in her size.

Billie Jeanne -- now on the defensive against the reaction she got from the panel last week and from her friends -- tells the doctor that she thinks sex is important, but of course that's not all there is between her and Tony. She says that both now and when she's an old lady, she will "try [her] best" to keep Tony attracted to her. He says, of course, that she doesn't have to try.

Asked what she enjoys most in sex, Jill says that she likes "all different things." She calls herself "adventurous." Somewhere, Scary Anthony is pounding his fist with a hammer. Kevin seems a little intimidated by the promise of all that adventure, and clarifies that he doesn't really care for the whipping and the tying up and such. Jill laughs nervously that this, of course, is not what she meant. "I'm talking basic sex here," she says. Yep. Basic adventurous sex -- that's what Jill likes.

Denise says that what she likes is "variety." She goes on to say, "Quickies... not-so-quickies [which gets a laugh of surprise from Stephen]...toys, no toys...romance, just down and dirty..." Stephen looks intrigued at this point. "That's a good answer," he says. "That's an excellent, excellent answer." Well, I sure hope so, genius, because it was given for your benefit. Stephen interviews that he learned that he and Denise are very sexually compatible, which he was happy about. Dr. Pepper asks Denise to rank her "top couple positions" (can this scene please end, please?), and Denise says she doesn't know the names of them. Heh. The doctor says she can just describe. Denise explains that she likes to feel the guy's weight on top of her, so she likes what she calls "laying down, uh..." Stephen breaks in: "Is that 'military,' they call it?" "Yeah, I don't know," she says. Dr. Pepper gently corrects them that it's "missionary." You know, that's twice since January that a reality-show contestant on Fox has missed the word "missionary," and it's been really funny both times. I love synergy. Stephen looks very, very embarrassed by this misstatement and pulls his jacket up over his face, which does make me laugh a little. As Stephen and Denise leave, they look substantially more at ease with each other, so it does look like it was fun for them. Particularly the way Stephen reaches for Denise's hand as they're leaving looks sort of promising. Well, you've got to love Dr. Pepper.

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Married By America

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