Married By America
Episode 6

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Miss Alli: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Au Revoir, Freedomy

As we see Jennifer and Xavier entirely failing to relax in their room at the Huggy-Boo, he voices over that he thought the feedback they got from the panel of "experts" was pretty good, and he thinks they will "learn from it." This is easy for him to say, of course, since the panel reminded him about his long history of women throwing themselves at him, which he undoubtedly doesn't mind having pointed out. Jennifer, on the other hand, explains that she thought the panel "made a pretty quick judgment" in determining that Xavier was having to "chase" her. Of course, it's pretty much the same judgment everyone else made, but let's listen to Jennifer anyway. Even mean women deserve to be listened to -- at least that's the theory on which I'm writing this recap. Jennifer goes on to say that she and Xavier are both trying to get to know each other. Of course, by "both," she means "just him." Because she's not particularly trying to do anything, it would appear. She's not even learning to make fun of him by speaking in a funny French accent, which is what I would be doing. Actually, I'm doing it now. I am more committed to Jennifer's arranged marriage than she is, I guess.

In Jill and Kevin's room, they both explain that they were surprised to see that there were problems with some of the other couples, because they have been having such a stress-free, easy experience themselves. How boring. They will never get screen time this way. More fighting! More begging each other to fill the gaping holes in their wretched lives! They're seriously way too functional, in that weekend-fling kind of way. Kevin points out that there's "no comparison" between how great things are for him and Jill and how lousy they are for everyone else. That's kind of true, which is strange, given that he's way too square-jawed to be very smart.

In Stephen and Denise's room, he pours her a glass of wine as she lolls on the bed in a little peppy-print dress. He interviews that he wouldn't have been happy if they'd been thrown out of the ranch, because he wants a little more time to get to know Denise before he decides whether to marry her or send her home, change his phone number, and get that restraining order. You can just tell there will be no in between. Denise and Stephen feed each other, and Denise interviews that she wants to remain on "this journey" with Stephen. I make a note to introduce a resolution at the next Chronic Reality Television Sufferers' Convention to ban the words "journey" -- and while I'm at it, "process" -- because enough is enough. Stephen remarks that the bed is comfortable, and Denise says, in a way that couldn't be less nonchalant if she actually licked him while saying it, "Maybe you should sleep here tonight." He murmurs somethig like agreement. In fact, this would be a good time for you to acquaint yourself with Stephen's Noncommittal Murmur, because it and you are going to spend a lot of time together in this next hour. Weirdly, the most impressive thing about that scene is how Denise is managing not to fall clear out of that dress as she lies on her side.

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Married By America

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