Married By America
Episode 6

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: C+ | Grade It Now!
Au Revoir, Freedomy

I'm not sure whether to list my objections to that scene alphabetically or in order of importance, but it would be interesting to hear what Denise would even claim was her reason for the "I would have thought you were gay" remarks. First of all, I'm always amused by anyone who considers herself such a perfect specimen that failure to be attracted to her can only mean that the guy is not attracted to women at all. With a minute of thought, the absurdity and blinding ego inherent in that is pretty evident and pretty humorous. Furthermore, if Denise really wonders whether he's gay, that would be a pretty crappy and insensitive way to broach the subject. If she doesn't really wonder whether he's gay...well, then the immature and absurd nature of her approach is pretty much self-evident. Trying to intimidate or bully people into kissing you wouldn't strike me as a particularly helpful strategy in the long term, but I guess Denise is more concerned about not looking stupid on television. Needless to say, her behavior is thus counterproductive.

We return the next day to begin Day 4 at "Copper North Ranch," which I am told is in fact being portrayed by a stunt ranch; namely, the Stonepine Inn. And thanks to my crack research team of emailers, I learned this week that the Stonepine Inn really is where Cruz and Eden's wedding was, for God's sake, which seriously makes me wonder about my own mental health, because I should not know that. Interestingly, the iron gates to the Huggy-Boo have a big "C" and an "N" on them, so I originally thought the producers had rigged them up out of PVC pipe to lend credence to the "Copper North Ranch" concept, but then I discovered that the manor house at Stonepine Inn is called...[drumroll]...Chateau Noel. My detective work is impressive, no? I do feel, after all, like I should do a reasonable amount of work in order to earn the company car and Hawaiian bungalow that recappers now enjoy as a result of the banner ad revenue generated by the 'shipper wars. And Clay (Eeeeeeeears!). Anyway, the morning begins with the four couples sharing breakfast, and then Egghead shows up to deliver some news. The couples are all being put into their own separate villas, so no more sleeping at the Huggy-Boo "manor house." Egghead tells them that these will be their "first home[s] together." Well, all right, Egghead. I suppose they could look at it that way. Denise interviews that she was thrilled at this development, because it would give her a lot more time alone to nag Stephen into kissing her. Love is sure to follow, don't you think?

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Married By America




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