Married By America
Episode 6

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: C+ | Grade It Now!
Au Revoir, Freedomy

Over at Hermes, Duane asks Billie Jeanne and Tony whether he can ask them "a few things...about the situation." And just as he did when he was one of Billie Jeanne's peeps, incidentally, Duane has that stupid black scarf on his head that makes him look like he bought an entire Samuel L. Jackson Golden Globes outfit on eBay. Put down the scarf, Duane. Tony says that seeing Duane and Paige made an interesting reality check, because they wanted to know what was going on. Paige asks Billie Jeanne whether she's in love with Tony, and Billie Jeanne says that she thinks she's "falling in love" with him. Tony looks mildly alarmed. Sitting on the kitchen counter with some seriously '80s Eight Is Enough feathered hair going on, Billie Jeanne interviews that she was a little nervous about the nature of these questions. She expresses concern that Paige and Duane might "burst [her] bubble." On that bubble-bursting note, Paige says, "You say that you're falling in love with him. How is that possible?" Thank you, Paige, for that infusion of sanity. God. Paige then asks Tony whether he's in love with Billie Jeanne. Tony hems and haws and says, eventually, that he's not. He then interviews that he doesn't want to "hurt" Billie Jeanne or "let her down." "I want to make sure that I'm the right man for her," Tony says magnanimously. Man, you can see where this is going, can't you? Paige comments to Tony and Billie Jeanne that she thinks things are going so fast between them that it seems a little bit worrisome. "But that worries you," Billie Jeanne says, "so don't take your issue and put it onto me." But...but she's trying to be your friend, Billie Jeanne! Duane then jumps in, saying that he's just afraid that it won't work out and Billie Jeanne will be "totally crushed." Ow, ow, ow. I hate this scene. "Stop doomin' and gloomin' me," Billie Jeanne grumps, clinging tightly to Tony's three-days-of-history hand and ignoring her friends. Tony interviews that he "loves [Billie Jeanne] as a person," but he's still not sure he's "in love with her." Hmm. I think I liked him better before he claimed to love her as a person.

Back on the counter, Billie Jeanne interviews that if Tony doesn't feel the same way about her that she feels about him, that would be "devastating." Oh, dear.

Over at Jennifer and Freedomy's, he shows off the bedroom to Mike and Virginie, referring to it as "where the magic is all happening." "Yeah," Jennifer snorts sarcastically. Mike says that he couldn't help noticing that there was no trace of affection between Xavier and Jennifer. He also found Jennifer "a little bit cold." He says he expected that by now, Jennifer and Xavier would seem a little more comfortable around each other, but that wasn't the case. Jennifer explains that Virginie and Mike sat them down for a talk, to get to the bottom of how they felt about each other. (Apparently, this is what the peeps were told to do, because I don't think they would all have been such buttinskys otherwise.) Virginie says frankly that her sense is that Jennifer just isn't attracted to Xavier; she asks if that's true. Jennifer stammers and dances around the question. Xavier interviews that he realized as they had this conversation that Jennifer wasn't "into this," and wasn't willing to give the experience much of a chance. He says that his patience "has some limits, and I think we've reached that limit." I have to say that I do take his side. Not because Jennifer won't make out with him, but because she's acted like she doesn't want to be there from the first minute they arrived. This is my big conflict, of course, because not wanting to be there is a sign of mental health if it's because the whole thing is so dumb, but the fact that she signed up in the first place sort of clouds the issue. I don't know whether to like the people who seem to have realized just how deeply creepy this is or the people who are willing to at least give it a chance and do what they said they were going to do.

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Married By America




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