Married By America

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B- | 463 USERS: C+
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Family Slapshots

Everyone walks to the Parlor of Judgment, where Egghead tells them that when two people get together, families unite, blah dee blah. "Any crack in your bond as a couple becomes painfully apparent." Or a crack in your Egghead. Hee hee. I just hate him so much. According to the stuff I've read, Egghead apparently has a history in comedy and radio, so why is he doing this gig, and why is he so unfunny? Bleh. Anyway. He dramatically talks about their commitment, and how what they say to the idiot panel is so important, and bibbety-bobbety-boo. "Now it's time to face our panel."

"Dr." Jenn starts the interrogation with Tony and BJ. She talks about how Duane was sort of hard on them, and she's wondering how BJ will feel if it turns out that she can't have both Duane and Tony. Billie Jeanne says that she hates the idea of losing her friends, but Tony -- after these twelve days or so -- is her priority now. Tony squirms nervously, and at one point makes a fleeting pained face that's just very uncomfortable to look at. "I truly care about you, Tony," she says earnestly. "Aww," he says loosely. "I feel the same way." By which he means, of course, "I don't feel the same way." Because every day is Opposite Day in Tony's world. The panel neglects to take the obvious opening to ask Tony about his obvious misery at Billie Jeanne's open adoration. Why they didn't question Tony, I will never understand. Instead, they go back to Billie Jeanne and ask her whether this is different from things she's felt before. She says that she's finally able to be herself and not be afraid. Of course, we all know that Tony is going to dump her because he doesn't like her the way she is, but she doesn't realize that yet. As they finally turn to Tony, he says that "it's difficult to say" how he feels, because of the artificial situation. His fear is that things will be different once they're out of the situation. He wants to make sure that their feelings are real. Billie Jeanne visibly gulps. Ow. Ow, ow, ow. I need an aspirin.

Married By America

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