Over at Paula's, Stephen and Denise are delicately asked about their sleeping arrangements, and they delicately say that they've been sleeping together for a week, so there's no need for Paula to go all It Happened One Night with the blanket hung up as a wall or anything. They don't mention the schoolgirl fantasy of last week, because that would probably put Paula's mind at ease about whether she's going to make them uncomfortable. I guess they could also just tell her that no matter how long they sleep in the same bed, nothing really exciting is likely to happen. After we watch this conversation take place, Stephen interviews precisely the information that was just conveyed to us when we actually saw it happen. I really hate that. I mean, thanks for the againterview, editors, but I do tend to pay attention. Stephen and Denise retire to their room and close the door. We are spared the inevitable moment ten minutes later when Stephen mutters, "Denise...."
At Casa Nicolini, however, it's a slightly different story. Kevin is being banished to a separate bedroom from Jill, which means that I spend the rest of this scene with a great song called "Johnny's Room" running through my head. ("I bumped my head getting into bed in Johnny's lower bunk.") (Actually, that song's greatest feature is that it starts with the immortal line, "There are two things I can't stand, and one of them is your mom.") (But anyway.) Jill is taken aback that she isn't allowed to sleep with Kevin, but Scary Anthony explains in an interview that he simply wasn't comfortable with Jill and Kevin sleeping together in his house. He was, you will recall, comfortable participating in a pageant to select a husband for her from a group of strangers, but now that he's in it, it seems to make him uncomfortable. Getting engaged without meeting is all right, but there is to be no fooling around before the TV marriage -- what kind of family do you think he's running here? When everyone says good night, Scary Anthony calls Kevin "son," which motivates Kevin to give Scary Anthony a very, very awkward hug, which motivates Scary Anthony to shoot Kevin a look like he has just been sprayed with lye. Everyone goes off to bed, and as Jill closes the door, Scary Anthony voices over that she is his "little peanut." I have to tell you, if my father ever called me his little peanut, we would both start laughing so hard that any boyfriend who might be in the house at the time would immediately leave on the theory that we were both insane. Which is sort of true.