Married By America
Episode 7

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Miss Alli: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Family Slapshots

As Kevin and Jill are leaving, Kevin and Mama Nic share what is clearly a very nice moment in the background as she voices over that she would love for them to get married if they think they can make it work. I have to say, I'm not a Scary Anthony fan, but I like Mama Nic. Scary Anthony interviews that he wants Kevin to love Jill and "respect her," and then we see their plane taking off to return them to the Huggy-Boo. On the plane, we see Kevin and Jill moonily approaching each other for a little smooch, and then Kevin's big old tongue flaps right out of his mouth and Jill sucks on it. Okay, that was just really more information than I require. I do not need to literally witness the tongue-swallowing.

At Tony's apartment, BJ and Tony are lying around staring into each other's eyes. "I always want to be with you," she intones seriously. He voices over that her behavior last night "steps across the line" for him and was "crude." He says he had to talk to her about it. "I mean you're so awesome in so many ways," he tells her as they lie I bed, "but you just have no self-censor." BJ, not really getting that he's trying to talk to her seriously, says, "You think?" Tony, surprisingly astutely, says, "I think Billie Jeanne...she wants to please everyone, so a lot of times, she reverts to the fact that she can please people by being loud, funny, obnoxious...." You know, the fact that he's intelligent enough to see what's going on with her kind of makes me hate him more, because it seems like he's listened to enough Loveline to know that this girl is about as fragile as bartenders get, and he has the capacity to actually hurt her by continuing to let her think he's serious about her when he's clearly not. We relive "cheers to beers and queers," and he tells her in bed that he didn't think that was very cool, because his dad was trying to be all serious. "It makes me very uncomfortable," he says, and I at least give him credit for telling her that. "I'm just not sure whether she's girlfriend material right now, or wife material," he interviews. By which he means that he is sure, and he's afraid to tell. He's looking forward to getting back to the Huggy-Boo to "decompress." I hate him.

We return to the Huggy-Boo, and Stephen and Denise are unpacking. Stephen explains that leaving the estate for a few days was great, but as soon as they were back, the pressures on them seemed to build up again. Stephen goes to bed, and when Denise crawls in with him and goes over to smooch him on the shoulder, he doesn't react, so she gives up and goes to sleep. "It's difficult," she says. God, try having to watch it twice, Denise.

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Married By America

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