Married By America
Episode 7

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Miss Alli: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Family Slapshots

"Dr." Jenn moves on to Jill and Kevin, and the far less horrifying spectacle of the Playboy debate. Jill recaps the fact that she posed because she thinks the human body is very beautiful. She says that when Kevin's sister asked her if she would pose again and she said yes, that was the first time she realized that Kevin was "not accepting of it." Of course, there's a difference between judging you for posing for Playboy in the past and judging you for saying you would still pose for Playboy after you were married, even if your husband felt uncomfortable with it, but Jill doesn't draw that distinction especially precisely. She goes on to point out to Kevin that she "grew up" with Playboy (huh?) and she always thought of Playboy as very "prestigious" (double huh?), and that she thinks of having posed as a "badge of honor." Of course, they wouldn't have let her pose if she insisted on wearing an actual badge during the shoot, depending on where she put it. Does that qualify as irony? I'm thinking so. "Dr." Jenn points out to Jill that her family wasn't particularly excited about the posing, and now she knows Kevin feels uncomfortable with it. Kevin says he doesn't get why you would want to do something that would make somebody you're close to that uncomfortable. And that's kind of my reaction as well. "Dr." Jenn goes on to ask whether, given the fact that both of them are so close to their families, they're prepared to make each other their "first influence." Nice turn of phrase, "Dr." Jenn. Kevin says yes, but he doesn't know what "Dr." Jenn really means by "first influence," so you can't place great stock in his answer. Not that you usually can anyway, what with the slack-jawed, sweaty delivery he comes out with every time they ask him a question. It's like when challenged, he turns into his own creepy cousin. The one in prison.

Egghead admonishes the panel to act carefully, because the couples' lives are in their hands. Whaaatever. The panel puts its little pointed heads together, and finally "Dr." Jenn says that the decision was "really difficult." Egghead sighs, the weight of the world on his shoulders. Or, you know, his lower shell.

When we return from commercial, Egghead announces that the panel has put the kibosh on the engagement of Denise and Stephen. He makes Denise take the ring off and give it to Stephen, and then he makes Stephen bring him the ring. Egghead wishes them "nothing but the best," and then throws them out on their asses. Then he gives a lame little speech to Tony and BJ and Jill and Kevin about being the last couples left. "What's coming up next can either tear a couple apart or bring them together for a lifetime." Or land them in thirty years of therapy, in Billie Jeanne's case.

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Married By America

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