Married By America
Episode 7

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Miss Alli: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Family Slapshots

In Denise and Stephen's room, things are not happy. She is very upset with him for making what she perceives to be insulting remarks about not being attracted to her, particularly without warning her ahead of time. "I had to pull something out of my ass," he says, and I guess it's a defense of himself, but...whatever. "You're missing my point," she says. "Well, I wish you'd get to it," he says. "What is your point exactly? Are you trying to make me feel bad, is that it?" Well, yes, Stephen, that's it exactly, as it has been since the early days of her routine. Denise interviews that she really tried and gave her all to the situation, and she makes it clear that she thinks Stephen didn't. "What's so wrong with me?" she blubbers unhappily. "There's nothing wrong with you," he says. "Obviously, there is," she moans. Denise, do you hear yourself? You're implying that unless there's something wrong with you, everyone on earth should be attracted to you. Everyone will want to marry you unless there's something wrong with you. That's why it's just not healthy to get everything you want -- you wind up unable to process why some things work and some things don't. She tells us in an interview that she felt "hurt, betrayed, and disrespected." Well, I get "hurt," because it always hurts to have somebody not return your feelings, but "betrayed" is out because they never built up trust, and betrayal requires a breach of trust, and "disrespected" is stupid because she put herself in a situation where she was already showing so little self-respect that expecting the guy to respect her was never in the cards. "Let's pack and get the hell out of here," he says gently, giving her a pity hug. Mercifully, she does not try to make it into making out. They pack.

Denise voices over, as they leave, that she was true to herself, and that's what matters. They hug goodbye outside, and then they take off in their separate cars. I think the only really interesting question is who got to keep the plaid kilt.

Next week: Dancing! Strippers! Vegas! Bachelor and bachelorette parties! Whipped cream! Twirling! Oh, and in theory, they're getting ready to get married. Is it almost over? Man, I hope so.

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Married By America

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