Well, we're up to 4:00 PM, which we learn is 71 hours before the wedding. Wow -- I haven't fully done the math, but I think that at this rate, this show won't be over until I am four hundred years old. Billie Jeanne and Tony take off in a red SUV to go get their marriage license. Considering that Egghead told them they'd be getting their licenses "right after breakfast," I'd say breakfast was fairly long. In other news, I remain fascinated by the fact that you can't get a driver's license unless you prove you can drive, but you can get a marriage license without demonstrating anything except a pulse. They get out and walk up to a little chapel, where a lady takes them inside and takes them through the application. When Tony is asked for his job title or what he does for a living, he tells her to put just "sales." Which means he could work at a hardware store, or he could be a hooker. Or both. As she types up the application, Tony interviews, "Every click of the type [sic] is another nail in my coffin." Well, it feels good not to be the only person overwhelmed by the urge to use death metaphors, but on the other hand? Nice attitude, weasel. He is such a bucket of smarm. BJ, meanwhile, kisses him happily. As they raise their hands to swear that the information on the application is accurate, Billie Jeanne wears a serene smile and Tony wears a look of clammy disgust. These are essentially the moods they maintain as they leave the office together to head back to the Huggy-Boo. It's like Billie Jeanne is in the early part of a horror movie before everything goes wrong and people start having their brains sucked out, and Tony is in the late part when the hero is contemplating whether to sacrifice his friends to save himself. By the way, the lady at the chapel has a clock on her wall, and it is nothing like 4:00 or shortly after 4:00. In fact, it looks like it's about 2:10, making it neither "after breakfast" nor "after 4:00." I can't help wondering what the need was to lie about what freaking time of day they went to get their marriage licenses.
Jill and Kevin's trip to the marriage license lady is similar, but with less overt misery. They both look relatively happy, although Jill claims that they were both still distraught over Kevin's brother not being more "accepting" of their relationship. I'm skeptical of this, because I'm really not sure it's possible for Jill to be distracted for any significant period of time by events that don't directly involve her. She also says that after they got the license, the pit of her stomach was "not feeling right at all." When they get back "home," they set about writing their wedding vows. Jill says she wasn't really sure what was supposed to go in a wedding vow (hint: you might if you knew the person you were marrying). She says that her mind wandered. Yeah. I have a feeling that Jill's mind has a certain lack of direction generally, if you get my drift. Kevin has less trouble, and tells us that he tried to make it nice and short so he could remember it. Heh. Jill's pale blue peasant blouse represents the poetic nature of her heart, I suppose. Also, it accentuates her boobs, and we already know she's in favor of that.