The Great Chicken Skirmish picks up again later, outside on the lawn furniture, where they are making another effort to drown their incompatibility in UV rays. BJ explains to Tony that she's really wounded because he wasn't cooperating with her efforts to be considerate. I swear, if she were reading from a book called How To Make A Guy Flee As From A Burning Building, she would find a chapter called "Never Let The Chicken Thing Drop, Ever," and it would counsel almost exactly this behavior. She interviews that she wanted to make sure it isn't "about him getting away from the situation." See? It's like she knows, but she doesn't know. She accuses him of "taking everything like it's a joke." She goes inside, lies on her bed, and writes him a letter. Because someday, she wants there to be a record of the chicken incident so they can tell their grandchildren. She goes outside with her bag over her shoulder and hands him the letter, and then she walks off in her usual dramatic fashion. She reads us the letter, and this is what (at least in part) it says: "I tried to talk to you while we were laying out, but you cut off what I was trying to say. You continue to push me away as I try so hard to get closer. I want to do things for you because that's just another way I am able to show you that I care. As we get closer to the day of being married, you have cut yourself off from telling me what's going on with you. It feels like I am alone in the process. My sweet, please talk to me. Just me, Billie." Bleh. "My sweet"? Well, I guess she can't call him "my weasel," like I would advise. She looks sad and weepy as she finishes reading her letter to the camera. Apparently going for some kind of pouty and pained daily constitutional, Billie Jeanne walks down the driveway and off in the direction of...the craft services tent, I guess.
At 7:00 AM of Day 18 -- 56 hours before the wedding -- Tony and BJ are both working out. Tony voices over that they had a little tiff in the kitchen over the chicken (as if we could forget), and he is of the opinion that BJ blew it just slightly out of proportion. He claims to be "very bewildered." He also makes reference to "swirling around in the cyclone that is this wedding." Yay, natural disaster references!
Back at the house later, the pastor comes to pay BJ and Tony a visit. Tony againterviews in the tub that the pastor came to pay them a visit. I have to wonder what the hell kind of pastor would ever get involved in something like this anyway, but I suppose Pastor Matt has expenses, too. PAX isn't free, you know. In the living room, he explains to Tony and BJ that as weddings approach, it's not unusual to have lots of feelings roaring up on you. A shot of Tony makes a not-so-subtle appearance over the words "doubt and second-guessing." Billie Jeanne obliviously interviews that "being with the minister gave Tony a lot more comfort and security." I guess that works if you substitute "paranoia and guilt" for "comfort and security." And really, who among us hasn't done that? Tony tells the pastor he's worried that their relationship won't survive outside of what he continually calls "the extraordinary circumstances," because it's probably in his contract that he's not supposed to say "this ridiculous situation." He interviews that he's had friends who've had unsuccessful marriages and been unfaithful, so he doesn't want to do anything unless he's "completely sure." Once again, I feel driven to wonder why, if he feels that way, he came on the damn show in the first place. Also, I am distracted by the fact that he has yet another pair of flowered shorts on. He claims he doesn't want to be in the marriage for a year or two and then "hurt her even more." Billie Jeanne explains to Pastor Matt that she's a little bit frustrated by Tony's doubts, but she's sure it will work. Pastor Matt tells them that marriage is not an end, but a beginning. "As you said," he goes on, "it's extraordinary circumstances, but weddings are extraordinary." So he's actually providing...reassurance? Isn't that, like, religious malpractice or something? Mercy. Billie Jeanne interviews that after this meeting, she is "a little scared, but ready to go." Yeah. I think Tony's ready to go, too -- leaving a little puff of smoke and a Tony-shaped hole in the wall. Pastor Matt leaves. Billie Jeanne interviews that she's looking forward to when she and Tony can "share even more intimate levels of being together." I know what all those words mean, but I'm not sure I know what she means when they're all strung together like that. If she hadn't already had sex with him, I would certainly know what it means, but under these circumstances, I don't.