Married By America

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When marriage is its own penalty

Kevin's family shows up at last, including his grandma, whom he tells that she's pretty. Aw. See, I told you he was a good guy. Over dinner, the family returns to the not-that-interesting debate about Jill and Playboy. Meanwhile, at the Nic family dinner, Jill is whining about how she felt like Kevin's family wanted her to be "Miss Prissy Proper," which I guess is what it means when you don't think a person who's married should pose naked in a magazine if it's going to upset her husband. Hey, by that definition, I'm Miss Prissy Proper! Score! She goes on to say that before his family showed up, Kevin thought that the Playboy pictures were fine and beautiful, but when his family showed up, he changed his mind. It's remarkable how she continues to miss the line that Kevin was drawing between not being offended that she once posed for Playboy on one hand, and taking the position that after they're married, he'd rather she wouldn't do it again on the other hand.

Back at Kevin's, he interviews that his family is just trying to make sure that Jill is the right woman for him before they take her into their family. One of Kevin's peeps makes the point that Kevin really shouldn't go through with this unless he's entirely sure that he loves Jill and that the marriage will last forever. Bunky (Kevin's mom) psychoanalyzes that maybe Jill didn't get enough attention "growing up in the family she did" (ouch) or didn't get "the love that we have in this family" (double ouch), so she might not be able to love him as much as he would love her. Not that Kevin's mom is being a stuck-up, self-righteous snob or anything.

Jill's family, on the other hand, is just generally trash-talking Kevin, and Jill is pretty much joining in, not objecting to the characterization of her fiancé as a "mama's boy," for instance. Man, with every passing moment I dislike these people a little bit more. Finally, Jill's family leaves, Kevin's family leaves, and this unhappy event takes another step toward completion. As he tosses and turns in bed later, Kevin says that he "knows it's going to turn out the way it's supposed to." Elsewhere, Jill reads in bed and talks about how she misses Kevin. Finally, she turns out the light.

The sun comes up and -- hey -- it's the day of the wedding! Man, I thought we would never get here. It's four hours before the ceremony. Jill gets zipped into her dress and has her necklace put on. When her parents arrive, they act shocked, as if they hadn't just seen her in the dress yesterday. "Oh, Jill, oh my gosh," Scary Anthony says helpfully.

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Married By America




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