Or is she? Once she leaves -- to have a good cry, natch -- Gordon decides to browbeat his fellow judges, Graham especially, since Joe is a model of utter indifference. As we cut back and forth with shots of Tamar weeping, Gordon gets Graham to concede that the curry portion of the dish was mighty tasty. "If you've got any balls," Gordon hisses, "you'd go out there and give her an apron." While Graham considers his equipment south of the ol' equator, we cut to a commercial break.

You know, the missus and I are about to become parents for the first time. And if we become the insufferable pricks featured in the Toyota Sienna commercials, I hope to God I drive my car into a ravine where I die in a fireball. Daddy like? No. Daddy does not like. Daddy does not like at all.

So we're back from commercial, and after much more browbeating from Gordon, Graham has, at last, discovered his balls. He hustles out to the still-sobbing Tamar and presents her with an apron. Stay true to yourself, he tells her. Or else he and Gordon will really give you something to cry about. Graham returns to the judges' inner sanctum, where he and Gordon enjoy a hug that last perhaps a shade too long for everyone's tastes. "Let's move on," Joe says. Yes. Let's.

Next up is Whitney, a 22-year-old college student from Mississippi. She's prepared blackened catfish tacos with mango chutney. Culinary rube that I am, I always assume "blackened" means "burned beyond repair," but apparently Whitney's dish tickles the tastebuds. The problem, ad Gordon sees it, is that Whitney is so very young. "I look soft on the outside, but I look like a butterfly and sting like a bee," Whitney says. A young Muhammad Ali said much the same thing before serving Joe Frazier a knuckle sandwich. Nevertheless, Gordon says come back next year. Joe thinks she should stay. "I'm sorry," Graham says, before a pregnant pause big enough for rush-hour traffic to drive on through. "But I think you're going to have to put school on hold for a bit." That means Whitney's getting an apron, in case it wasn't readily apparent from the moment she appeared on the screen.