This lady is a boss. A Cake Boss. She's like the Effie Trinket of cake. Ethan Haas is a hottie and she is bored -- and also very much all about cake -- so she's up his ass the whole time he's waiting for Vivian to come save him from the cake.
Marie: "Let me get you a hundred different kinds of cake, white cake for a white wedding, classic white cake, white raspberry cake, white almond cake, white amaretto cake, French vanilla cake which is also a white cake..."
Ethan: "I mean, isn't it just cake?"
Marie: "Get the fuck out of my store."
Ethan: "Sorry, but I... My fiancée is driving this bus. I'm happy with..."
Marie: "You are not allowed to abstain. I am the motherfucking Cake Boss and I say you will fully participate in this, the most important day of your goddamn life."
Ethan: "...That's fair."
Ethan: "Vivian, thank God. This lady almost punched me for talking about cake."
Vivian: "I got stuck candy-striping a terrifying penis! It was like an anteater! I saw it by accident and now it's all I can see!"
Ethan: "This from the woman who thought I came eight gallons of blood the first time we did it. Listen, honey. That's a regular penis. Mine is modified."
Vivian: "Who the hell would do that to a little baby? That's worse than the Crucifixion!"
Ethan: "Same in both cases. Actually it's becoming medically recommended for..."
Vivian: "Wait, you're a JEW? I mean, of the Jewish persuasion? I mean..."
Ethan: "My parents are Jewish. And I guess the end of my penis."
Vivian: "I just can't believe I didn't know that! Or what I am supposed to feel about it!"
Ethan: "I'm not, though. Our kids won't be. It doesn't factor in."
"I'm not Jewish, I'm nothing, okay? The man you are going to marry is: Nothing."
Which, that's a sticky wicket. What a thing to say about yourself. It already is reminding me of Yang and Burke. This is why you should refuse to settle for anything, and eventually die alone, having been better than every single opportunity that comes your way. Right? Think how much happier Elise Langham would be, for example. Or the Scullys.