MAGIC BLACK LADY
Mrs. May: "Everybody wonders why I'm here and not in the black ward. Including me."
Masters: "Because I am obsessed with you and saving your old black vagina!"
Mrs. May: "I am really bummed out about my miscarriage."
Masters: "Get over it and let me work my magic! Not everything is about you, lady!"
AFTER THE DEED
Virginia: "...I lied and said I know all about cervical caps, of course..."
Ethan: "Actually he invented it. It's like a little rubber bowler hat you can use to either not get pregnant, or if you reverse the polarities, you can smoosh all the dud sperm up against the cervix with it..."
Virginia: "Dud sperm?"
Ethan: "Or in Bill's case, zero sperm. All the subjects have a low sperm count, but Masters's is close to zero."
Virginia: "No way. That would make him a huge asshole, he told me himself it was her womb that was a dud."
Ethan: "Way. Have you not ever met a man in 1956 before?"
Ethan: "I mean, I love the man. He has always been my biggest hero and bestie and mentor and darling and all that. My crush on you may have changed his entire life, is how up in each other's shit we are. But his ego is plenty intense. He's not going to admit anything so fundamentally lame about himself."
Virginia: "But I mean, science. It's a true fact, not a thing that means anything about..."
Ethan: "Either way. I read his file myself, it's his fact to interpret. And frankly, his wife to torture with it."
Virginia: "Huh. Okay, this was fun but you have to go home now."
Ethan: "See this face? This is my disappointed face. It is very close to my punching-you face."
Virginia: "Good thing we're not dating then, huh?"
Ethan: "I don't even pressure her into the sex part! You could almost say she pressures me!"
Masters: "Cool, tell me more about this thing I don't need to know about."
Ethan: "It's like the kind of sex you have when you're married!"
Masters: "I am not the control group for that."
Ethan: "...Or on your honeymoon, I mean. Or like, with a prostitute! Not that I have ever been with a prostitute or that Ginny is a prostitute. I'm just very excited!"
Masters: "You seem to be mistaking regular normal sex for magical sex. Not that, again, I'm any kind of control group for that either. I just wish you would stop. I can think about either of you having sex, separately, but put them together and it makes me want to punch a hole in a wall."