Virginia: "If you gave a shit about decency you wouldn't be subjecting your wife to a stranger's speculum for no fucking reason."
Masters: "So uh, apparently this is going to suck. Have fun with that, I've got better shit to do."
Libby: "But you'll be back? After we're done following protocol..."
Masters: "I let you follow the rules, so I can break them. We're the perfect couple!"
Libby, verbatim: "Careful, Bill. Careful about making me the boring one."
Masters, verbatim: "You're the tough one, Lib. I think we learned that long ago."
Ethan: "Hey it's me. And my cold tiny hands, tossing that pillow Ginny carefully arranged for you on the floor because it's symbolic of I don't give a fuck and women are screwed in this lifetime."
Libby: "Daddy, please don't leave me here with this Nice Guy tool."
Masters: "This is the cruelest thing I will do in this entire pilot. Therefore, watching it go down would make me feel bad about myself, and that's a non-starter."
Betty: "So I'm the first guinea pig?"
Masters: "I don't understand metaphors. My first guinea pig was year two of medical school. Then came rabbits. Then dead people. Then alive people. Then women. Then whores."
Betty: "Right, I forgot you have that thing in your head that makes you like this. What I meant was, I'm your first human subject on day one of your secret creeper study. Which is great, because you are paying me to jack off, which is like my regular job but better, because of the significantly lower chance of me getting murdered or beaten up."
He attaches electrodes -- "Mother always said I'd end up in the electric chair..." -- and then he's like, "Okay, go for it. Stimulate yourself to the various levels of arousal."
Betty: "I'm gonna need a vibrator or..."
Masters: "You didn't mention that."
Betty: "This is why you need a female..."
Masters: "Working on it. I'll get you a vibrator next time."
Masters: "I don't have any gay ones, so like..."
Betty: "Work it out. Come on."