MDs

Episode Report Card
Demian: C | 602 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Heartland

Lobby Of Lust. Killer, Willie, and Wise Guy stagger in, processing the day's events. Wise Guy notes that had Our Intrepid Heroes not become ensnared in The Case Of The Purloined Plot Device, Jolly Dead Gina's organ would never have made it to Vegas. "I had a blast," he adds before heading back into his tertiary-character suspended-animation pod for another few weeks. "In fact, I'm thinking about getting my pilot's license back." Wah. Wah. Waaaaaaah!

As Killer and Willie saunter the hall, Shelley emerges from MIB's office to pop the cork on a bottle of "pomegranate spumante," inviting the boys in for a celebratory cocktail. Before the four can toast the wacky-yet-successful organ run, MIB's phone rings. He uh-huhs into the receiver for a bit, then hangs up in shock. "Neil Ryder is suing us," he announces. "Negligent care, psychological trauma, and failure to treat his addiction." Shelley silently wonders why she ever left the amusement park. Killer and Willie simply roll their eyes. They click their plastic glasses together and slug back the spumante.

Up in Kellerman's office, the doctor himself enters to find Joyner asleep on his desk. He wakes her, and Joyner gets a first name! Unfortunately, that name is Quinn. In addition to firing their worthless continuity editor, the producers should also pink-slip whoever invented these ludicrous One-Life-To-Live character names. They banter, there's some serious eye-fucking, and then Killer's cell phone rings. It's the ex-wife! Go to Hell, Pam. Doctor Quinn Medicine Woman slinks away while Killer assures the ex that he's safe.

Wee Willie Dalgety carefully steps through the wreckage of The Bus Stop Of Death. Despite the presence of the police tape, a makeshift memorial for those killed has already taken shape. Willie removes something we can't see from his jacket pocket and places it on Jolly Dead Gina's photo. The camera cranes back into the sky as Wee Willie slowly walks away and we fade to black.

Next week, the decision to gift a convicted mass murderer with a new heart makes Medicine Woman screechy, and Snickers introduces a computerized "medical gatekeeper" named "Doctor Hickenlacker." Madcap medical mayhem ensues. Also, Niki comes out of nowhere to vault into first place on Demian's List Of People For Whom Even The Atheists Should Pray. Godspeed, darlin'.

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