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Champs & Chumps
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Previously: Liam's jailbird pops blew into town. Dixon blew his clean high school record by letting some nogoodniks into the school with Harry's keys. And Debbie blew up at Harry for not giving a damn about her (nonexistent) problems, when in fact she was the one who stepped out on him(ish). Teddy's father blew off Teddy at a tennis match -- because he'd never heard of her! And Jen just blows.

West Bev. A clearly distraught Naomi sits in the hall post-SATs. Liam asks her what's wrong, and she updates him that Jen's back in town and pouts that Jen's taken over the beach club -- her beach club. Liam insists that it's not their problem, that there are plenty of places to lay out and order smoothies around L.A., but Naomi's inconsolable. Liam urges her to turn the other cheek and even offers to mist her while she's tanning like the beach club staffers. It's kind of cute. And totally not Liam.

Silver's. Teddy drops by to apologize about the whole "I didn't introduce you to my dad" thing. Silver is loath to take the apology because she's still pretty humiliated. Teddy hems and haws about how his dad's "complicated" and "judgmental." Judgmental totally being the wrong choice because it prompts Silver to ask if she's lower than the esteemed Montgomerys. You know, because movie stars are totally old money and not interchangeable at all. Teddy assures Silver that his dad will like her and that, in fact, it's kind of an honor because he's never liked a girl enough to do the parental meet-and-greet. She ignores how patronizing that crap was and accepts his invitation. They smooch.

Liam's garage. Prison pappy's on the phone negotiating the sale of Liam's stepdad's rare coins. You know, the ones that Liam stole from Male-eficent. Yeah, this is going to end well... So pappy and his shady connection settle on $15,000 and plan to meet at his roach motel in two hours. Liam suggests they celebrate afterward. His face is more hopeful than ever, making it painfully obvious that this harebrained scenario is going to end in heartache.

Ivy's MILF's studio. AAdrianna comes in all impressed that MILF used the phrase "Take five" with the sound engineer. It's almost like someone (*cough* writers *cough*) forgot that AAdrianna used to be a friggin' TV star. Next she'll be marveling about the pointy thing with the fuzzy that they use to catch sound. Sheesh. MILF asks AAdrianna if she'd be interested in recording a duet with Latino heartthrob Javier. AAdrianna pulls out Persons magazine -- double sheesh -- with Javier on the cover and squeals that she's a massive fan. She bought the Christmas album! Can I triple sheesh? Is that even allowed? MILF tells AAdrianna that Javier is going on tour soon, so they're under a bit of a time crunch. The problem isn't scheduling, though, it's Javier's idea of hit music. She plays the sample, and it sounds a bit like Nelly Furtado's Timbaland phase threw up on Jim Verraros. (Remember him? Idol Season 1, what?!) Clearly this isn't "edgy" enough for MILF, so AAdrianna offers to try to write something herself. Because this would totally happen in real life, MILF gives the chance of a lifetime to the untested rookie who can do a passable Kate Nash impression.

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