Melrose Place

Episode Report Card
Pablo G: A- | Grade It Now!
Woodward and Burn Scheme
bout his suspicion that the doctor is the one who killed her. Vanessa's in denial. David implores her to take Noah and leave LA. Vanessa tells him to get off her property.

Ella steps out of her car and randomly finds Caleb on the sidewalk outside WoodwardPK. She asks if he's OK, but Caleb wants to talk about something very odd. Amanda's been asking lots of questions about Ella. Lots of detailed questions involving client lists and call logs. This does not compute. Ella was a nobody a year ago. Caleb thinks something's afoot and something's abutt (apologies). Ella does not heed the warning, saying Amanda is the reason she is who she is. She obviously is seeing this as an opportunity to impress her idol even if she might be trying to destroy her. Caleb gives her one last warning. "It's your ass, Ella." My my... yes it is, as she walks away.


Complex Pool. Jonah making world-famous "Killer Miller" mojitos. OK, you win this round, Jonah; that's pretty awesome. Auggie shows up and everyone's awkward like "Oh shit! A killer! I mean... Hi, murderer... er, Auggie! Friend... neighbor..." Jonah opens his sarcastic hipster mouth about them all having to endure a police raid while he was gone. Auggie senses that none of his friends are in his corner and begins to get defensive. He calls out Riley for support who stays silent. Ella makes up some excuse and walks off. Lauren follows suit. Jonah and Riley leave quickly, too. Auggie's left by the scene of the murder, all by himself. Poor suspected murderer.

Auggie straightens up his police-raided apartment. Violet walks in to offer difficultly-formed words of retarded comfort. "The people in that courtyard aren't our friends." Our? Violet tests Auggie's affection by offering to leave him alone as well. Auggie doesn't exactly bite. He wants to stick with a friend vibe instead of their feral sexanigans. Violet feigns agreement, turns and leaves.

Anton V launch. Jonah and Riley enter and it's definitely a very glamorous affair. Ella greets Riley with, "Oh... Hot for teacher!" Ella reminds Riley to stick to the story. Anton V discovered her. She leads Riley over to the photogs to introduce her to the crowd. The photographers ask Jonah to step away so they can start with the flashbulbs. Before long, the press start asking Riley questions. Tough questions. Riley's a dumb deer in headlights. From across the room, Amanda watches and gives Ella a slight nod to intervene before Riley opens her mouth. Ella snatches her and leads her away, telling her one bad sound bite and kiss $10,000 goodbye. Please no bad sound bite, please no bad sound bite.

Nighttime outside the Mansion Mancini. David's leaving, wearing his cat burglary leather and on the phone with Auggie. David couldn't find any evidence, but suddenly Auggie is smart. He figures that David's dad was having an affair, so the evidence must be somewhere his wife wouldn't look. Where has this been all this time, Auggie? Just as Auggie says this, David's eyes fall upon the familiar Mercedes. David hangs up and gets into the car to begin a detailed search. Still nothing, and now Vanessa is pulling into the driveway. David ducks down in the car to hide and ends up finding a satchel with a bloody necklace in it. FLASHBACK. It was Sydney's. END FLASHBACK. You guys are really pushing your flashback allowance.


Back at the Anton V launch. Riley finds Ella and asks when she can leave. She looks exhausted. I know, Riley, being the center of attention at a fashion party is really tiring. Riley brings up her students and what they'll think of her if they find out about her lying, trying to make an excuse to get out of there before she has to lie. Ella just tells her to go off and think of the money she'll make. Ella gives Riley a little shove so she'll walk off. Ella turns around to see Amanda who sort of commends her on convincing the party that Riley is legit. "Maybe you're not as useless as I thought." Amanda walks off. Lauren enters the party and spots Riley. They hug and exchange compliments. Lauren asks where David is. Why is she asking about David, Riley asks. Then she thinks about it a bit and catches Lauren blushing. Then, catches her in a time consuming outfit and hairstyle. Lauren admits a teeny tiny crush on David. Riley's advice: try it out with him. It beats living with regret. Across the room, Ella motions to Riley and turns to order drinks as a woman orders some drinks next to her. Ella turns to recognize her as Melissa Sax, talent agent, whose reputation precedes her. Apparently, Melissa is aware of Ella's reputation as well. Mixed in with her professional compliments, Melissa starts coming on to Ella hard and offers her a possible job opportunity as a talent agent laced with lots of sexual subtext. Ella finds Riley to give her a "zip your mouth" signal before leaving with Melissa.

Cut to Ella being shoved against a wall by Melissa who proceeds to make out with her. Um... yummm with three M's.


Making out continues and Melissa compliments Ella between kisses. Ella thinks she should be looking for Riley. No, no, no, Ella, you're right where we need you. Melissa persists in trying to lure Ella away from WoodwardPK. Ella declares her heart lies with WPK. And me, of course.

Lauren enters her apartment to find it decorated with fall leaves and David having cooked her some Skyline chili. Wow. Lauren realizes David broke in, but that's OK. David fixes the mood by pulling on a rope and having more leaves fall from the ceiling. Lauren is utterly impressed. She is willing to ignore the break-in until after they kiss. And...whoa... this is pretty damn hot. David asks Lauren to close her eyes as he goes around her in seductive circles, kissing her randomly and slowly removing her clothes. Wow. How is this happening? Where has this been this whole time, MP? And... Lauren puts a stop to it. Dammit! You take one step forward, two steps back, MP. In fairness, David says all the right things when Lauren apologizes for being unable to continue and alludes to the other girls David normally dates. He's never been with a girl like Lauren before.. blah, blah, blah, but he cheerfully asks if they can go eat the food he cooked for them and sweetly kisses her on the nose.

Anton V Launch of Lies. Jonah and Riley relax and flirt a bit at the bar after exhausting schmoozing until a writer from Vogue finds Riley to ask tough questions. Riley tries to modestly brush off her fake survival story, but the reporter persists. When the writer brings up Riley's students, Riley starts to waver a bit in her answers until she finally snaps. Riley tells the writer she's not a role model a la Charles Barkley and grabs Jonah so they can leave. Ella sees what's happening and tries to get over in time to stop Riley. She does not make it in time. Riley has gathered a crowd around her and tells the boring truth about herself. Everyone hears and takes photos. Ella and Amanda watch helplessly. Why is this happening? We're back to square one. Ella tries to follow Riley and Jonah out to their car, but they escape before she catches up. Ella says to herself that Amanda's going to skin her alive. Amanda overhears and clarifies that would not be nearly satisfying enough. She plants the seed that Ella's friend isn't such a good friend after all if she would betray her trust like that. Amanda sets an appointment with Ella for the next day before walking off. Surely this is a good thing. Amanda runs into Melissa who reports to her that Ella did not bite on her offer. Melissa's lesbian antics were all a ploy by Amanda to test Ella's loyalty. Niiiiiice. Amanda's still not entirely convinced of the whole loyalty thing, but Melissa insists. This was some sort of favor, apparently, as Melissa makes it clear that now she and Amanda are even. I would have to disagree, Melissa. You totally stole the show tonight.

Complex Pool. Someone's swimming in there. Jonah and Riley return. "My big mouth just cost us $10,000." Doesn't it always, Riley? Doesn't it always? Auggie

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Melrose Place




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