Melrose Place

Episode Report Card
Pablo G: D | Grade It Now!
Mulholland Deprive
ly wants one. Nice save, Elle. Right now, though, Ella wants to schmooze since she spies a lot of folks who grace the covers and pages of Variety roaming the party. She suggests she and Jonah split up to cover more ground. Jonah goes off on his own and runs into... Drew?! He was the singer in the band for the party?! WTF. Wasn't he just offering to cover Lauren's shift? Seriously, this is getting ridiculous. Are we going to find out next week Drew is an astronaut, too? Charlie finds Jonah and interrupts Drew's delusions of rocking to tell Jonah he wants him to meet the VP of Sony for a potential Seth Rogen movie. Run, Jonah! RUN!

Riley enters Ben's office and is talking a mile- a-minute about business to avoid the sexual tension. Ben slows her down and points out the elephant in the room. He tells her he has broken up with Amanda. Ben wants someone who cares about other people and not just their self. Ben isn't confused about what he wants. He awkwardly lurches forward and they kiss on the couch. A camera viewfinder sloppily snaps multiple photos of the makeout session from across the balcony. Your composition is terrible. See me after class.


Amanda meets with her David clone spy. She's beginning to get impatient about this whole search for that painting. You and me both, Amanda. She suspects the painting by Sydney she saw in David's apartment is really the painting she seeks, but painted over with water-soluble paints. The plan is to make a copy print and switch it out with the original. It also turns out the clone is the one who snapped the photos of Ben and Riley making out. Score a point for the clone.

Riley shows up at Lauren's seeking advice about the millionaire she just stole from the publicity tycoon. After venting a little, she notices Lauren is a wreck. L reveals to Riley she dumped David, but she wants to hear more about what's going on with Ben and Riles. Her advice to Riley: "You just came out of a five-year relationship that didn't end well. Have some fun." Riley smiles.

Back at Puppy Party, Drew sings "Who Let the Dogs Out." That's it; I'm outta here...

...Oh, you know I can never stay away for too long. Ella's divide and conquer strategy at the Puppy Party seems to be working well for her. She's still talking with Michael Hoover, a high-profile agent. They smooch and part ways just as Jonah shows up. Jonah is unjustifiably jealous and doesn't understand Ella was simply work-flirting with the guy. He scolds Ella and says he won't stand by while she "practically mauls some other guy." Understandably, Ella starts second-guessing the idea of being a couple with dates and holding hands and all that crap. It's suffocating, she says. "Maybe you should get some oxygen," Jonah snaps back. Well... that's about as on-the-nose as a comeback can get. Well played, Jonah. Well played, indeed.

David skulks about a dark house in his black robbing clothes. He runs his flashlight over a cabinet until he spies what he's after. David carefully opens the cabinet and grabs a large diamond ring, which he slips onto his pinky. He starts to make his way out of the room when the lights suddenly come on. There's an attractive, young woman standing in the door way. "What do you think you're doing?" Stealing a million dollars from you. Pssh... duh. We zoom in on David's stunned face.


The girls asks David what he's doing with her mom's ring. Quick-thinking David says her father asked him to steal the ring so he can claim its insurance. No way David thinks of something that clever that quickly. I'd place the timeframe for an idea like that from David more in the one to two-year range. The sexy blonde says that this brilliant lie of David's is impossible because her dad would never waste his money on insurance since no one would ever steal from her dad. Oh, yeah? Well, my dad is so strong he once lifted up a car even though he wasn't really trying! David gets the hint and offers to just hand the ring over so they can pretend this never happened. The girl has other plans, however. She thinks David should keep the ring so her dad never finds out who stole it. Huh? "What's the catch?" David asks. "You're really cute. You know that?" she replies. What's happening here? The girl lunges at David's lips. Maybe I should try stealing a million dollars from someone's family. My love life is in shambles. Their kiss is interrupted by the sound of the girl's dad rousing. She advises David to leave. He starts climbing out the window and she stops him so she can toss him the diamond ring. "I'll take an IOU, K?" This is just stupid. Too stupid for jokes.

Complex Pool. Jonah pours himself a drink as Drew walks in telling some lame joke about the dogs at the After Puppy Party. It does not bear repeating. Jonah is sulking over his little spat with Ella. I don't know why; that line about oxygen was the ultimate kiss off. Suddenly, Dr. Drew turns into... Dr. Drew and begins to give advice. "Ella is a very different beast than Riley." Stop trying to make her into someone she's not, Drew advises. Jonah seems to take heed.

Amanda shows up at Riley's door as she's trying to leave. She hands Riley the photos of her and Ben kissing. Riley apologizes profusely, but it will not appease the mighty Woodward. She considers this a personal affront. Amanda walks out. Riley is distressed. I don't know about you, but if I stole the world's most interesting man away from Heather Locklear, I wouldn't be so upset.


Ben looks over the incriminating photos. "So?" he says. That's what I'm saying! Ben doesn't understand the big deal. Me and this guy -- we're like brothers. We just get each other. Riley is upset with herself for scorning Amanda. Really? Ben just wants to move forward with what should rightfully be a relationship built on understanding and respect. The thing is: Riley doesn't seem to understand this is a good situation, which pretty much undermines that whole building a relationship thing. Riley refuses Ben and his funding. I hate you, Riley Richmond.

Drew shows up at Lauren's with a dartboard that has his photo taped over the bull's-eye. This guy is such a joker. He's obviously trying to cheer Lauren up when Lauren suddenly mentions she and David broke up. Drew practically orders Lauren to get her ass up so they can go out for a drink to drown her sorrows. Just then, Riley walks in to check on Lauren and gets tangled up in their plans. The girls go off to pick an outfit for Lauren to change into while Drew lounges on the couch. "Can I watch?" If you ever need a douchebag, he's probably lounging on some girl's couch.

Amanda works on dissolving Sydney's painting so she can get at the one she's after. After some careful dabbing, she begins to realize there's nothing underneath. Curses! She flings the canvass to the floor in disgust. I wish I had a canvass I could fling to the floor in disgust right now.

Ella is at a bar tossing back shots. Jonah shows up. They both got a mystery text from David. "Good news. Come to Coal." Jonah jokes about David probably still thinking they're a couple. They nervously laugh at the thought and Ella dives into talking about not liking the idea of traditional relationships. They agree it's just going to take some adjusting. Ella basically just wants to bone Jonah, it seems, evidenced by her asking if he's ever done it in the Mini Cooper. I've done it with Mini Cooper, but I suppose that's different. Riley enters with Drew and Lauren. Ella and Jonah awkwardly walk over to meet them. Riley hangs her head as Drew talks about their encounter at the Puppy Party earlier. Lauren reveals her break-up with David to Ella and Jonah. She doesn't reveal anything more than that to her concerned friends. Drew tries to break the tension by proposing a toast. He toasts to new jobs, dreams and to himself who he claims can out-drink all of The Complex Tenants. "In your wildest dreams, frat boy," Ella mutters under her breath. Let's just make the whole hour of MP Ella versus Drew, please. That would be enterta

Previous 1 2 3Next

Melrose Place




Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP