Auggie stands naked in the shower. Wow, MP, you're already pulling out that card, huh? That washboard-ab'd, taut-muscled, glistening-skinned, clear-eyed... wait a minute. I'm not gay. What the hell was that all about? Anyway, Auggie isn't just washing away the dirt of a long day. Blood washes down the drain as we see a deep, bloody gash on the back of his shoulder. *SIGH* Laying it on a little thick with the clues, are we? Please let us believe for more than the first five minutes that Auggie isn't just a distraction from the real killer.
Outside Lauren is on her way home from a long night of prostitution when she bumps into David. He teases her about catching her on a walk of shame. I've read way too many Texts From Last Night to be amused by this exchange.
Riley wakes up Jonah with breakfast in bed. She's all riled up (sorry) and acting like a cat in heat as she pounces on Jonah. Knock, knock, knock on the door. Riley gets up and answers to find a surprised Ella. "What are you still doing here?" That's not suspicious at all, El. She walks in uninvited before jumping into a spiel about the tenants of The Complex being uncomfortable after Sydney's murder, wanting some sort of surveillance system put into place. Ella dubs Jonah the resident AV geek and asks him to rig something up for them so they can save time and money. Jonah, being the nerd he is, obliges, saying he can use a camera he uses for Skype. Hey, Jonah, what do you use for Twitter and Facebook? You're so cool. I want to be just like you. Riley is still in in-out-in-out mode and lies to Ella about her and Jonah planning to go to the beach so she can get Jonah out of the obligation. She tries telepathy with Ella, but either Ella isn't operating on the same telepathic frequency or she knew exactly what she walked in on and is a badass bitch who knows how to screw with people on the fly. I like to think it's the latter. Will you marry me, Ella?
Violet is lounging outside by the pool with a newspaper as Auggie walks out with parts of a newspaper himself. She tells him she borrowed his classifieds. Violet mentions a modeling job she found that pays $300 and requires no past experience. I bet Lauren posted that. Auggie advises her to steer clear of that ad, but there's a hostess job that just opened up at his restaurant, which I've finally found out is called Coal. Isn't it nice when coincidences bring two characters who have nothing in common together? Detective Rodriguez pops up behind Auggie, like, "where did he come from" pops up behind Auggie. He starts asking Auggie questions and... FLASHBACK. We're at the famous AA meeting on St. Patrick's Day. Auggie walks in the door and stands there without joining the group. Sydney comes over to him and deadpans, "You know, I don't think it counts with the courts if you don't actually come in." After some more charming on the part of Sydney, she suggests they could have some fun if they get out of there. We cut to them violently making out, rolling around on the ground. Auggie ends up on top of Sydney as she tears open his shirt and her eyes go wide at the sight of his abs. Clean-up on aisle vag. END FLASHBACK. Auggie tells Detective Rodriguez they were just friends. Don't ever talk to a guy who kills a girl and says he just has a friend.
Ella walks into her office building to find everyone running around like chickens with their heads cut off. She meets up with a girl who hips her to what's going on. There's a merger and a new guy is running the show. He's fired half of their staff already including a guy Ella didn't really like. So that's good, I guess. Against her friend's warning, Ella decides to go upstairs to speak with him. She enters his office and introduces herself and then throws her former co-worker she didn't like under the bus. Caleb tells Ella he can't trust someone who isn't loyal to their co-workers, hands her a box and tells her to clean out her office. Ella goes into Ella Mode and tells him that she's going to tell him something that she's never told a guy before, which is that he'll regret letting her go. She makes him a guarantee that if he gives her the weekend she'll bring in a client "bigger than Zach Quinto's eyebrows." Caleb seems more impressed with that reference than with the actual boast. "Does that even exist?" he quips. Ella responds with the name Jasper Barnes. Caleb fills us in that Mr. Barnes is the hottest name in the country this summer. He opts to give her the green light to try and make good on her promise, but if she comes back empty-handed come Monday, Ella can kiss her job goodbye. Ella leaves him with this gem: "One thing you'll learn about me, Caleb, I never come back empty-handed," then walks out of the office with the most unsure face Ella has worn thus far in the series.
Back at The Love Nest, Riley starts bitching about Ella doing the camera thing as just a way to come between them. David says she's not the "Wicked Witch of West Hollywood." *SLOW CLAP* Nice, Jonah. Nice. I think this whole scene only existed for that line. Bravo.
David sits across from some guy in a trendy café style restaurant. He's trying to sell the painting he stole from his dad's house at the end of last episode. The man he's talking to, named Amir, tells him that if he expects to get quick cash for this klepto hobby of his, he needs to steal something that can be moved faster than crusty French landscape paintings. David brings up a pricey watch called the "Tour de 'ille" watch. He tells Amir that it'll be at a party in Hollywood tonight. Amir can meet him there for a quick drink and then get his hands on it with David's help. Amir is skeptical, but David insists he's good at what he does as he leaves. Ella calls David as he walks out and invites herself as his date for the same party. She's wearing the longest headset ever. It's practically in her mouth. Oh, Ella, you know exactly how to entice me. David tells her she's not invited because his ex-girlfriend would flip, but Ella blackmails her way into the guest list by threatening to say, "bye bye David's alibi."
Lauren's at home when she gets a call from Toby the John. He reminds her that he's the guy "from last night." Really? "Yeah, just in case you couldn't remember, I'm the first guy you had sex with for money just last night. Just in case you couldn't remember such a life-changing event." He goes on to commend Lauren on the way she conducted herself since it "could've been awkward." Toby the John has become Toby the Douche of Unintentional Condescension. Then, he starts trying to refer Lauren to a friend. Go, Toby! Degrade! DEGRADE! Lauren is blind-sided for a second and then goes off on him. This would all be a very empowering moment for her character if it wasn't for the fact that all of it sounds in my head like she's saying "Don't treat me like I'm a whore after you just paid me for sex!"
Riley runs into Auggie outside and tells him if he needs someone to talk to she's there for him. He drones on and on about how Sydney's death is eating away at him. Riley just stares at him from behind like, "Is he darting his eyes back and forth suspiciously?" Ella enters the scene from a distance just in time to see Riley grab Auggie's hand and them walk off to talk. Ella looks up at her surveillance camera project and smiles to herself. It's like Cheaters without the intrigue.
Violet stumbles about as she enters Coal until she bumps into a waitress. She asks where she can find Marcello the manager. The annoyed waitress points in a general direction. Violet makes her way up to the busy man to tell him she wants to apply to be a hostess? "Dressed like that? You're not catering a wedding at Holiday Inn." Uh, sir, the Holiday Inn is a fine establishment. I won't have Holiday Inn-bashing in this weecap. Violet's response when faced with fight or flight is to take off like a Harrier jet. Auggie watches her leave and heads over to Marcello to stand up for her, but manager guy isn't done being a dick. He tells Auggie that