Melrose Place

Episode Report Card
Pablo G: B- | Grade It Now!
The Deep End
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

We begin tonight's episode with a haze covering The Complex Pool. No, there hasn't been another murder -- though, at this point that might be welcome. Jonah stands triumphantly behind the fog in a fedora and a t-shirt that reads "chinchillin'" with a chinchilla with sunglasses on it. Yup. Makes total sense Ella wants this guy. David comes out to see what the deal is and Jonah explains he has a state-of-the-art fog machine for this amazing party he plans to throw tonight in celebration of selling his screenplay. Wait... didn't they celebrate this that one night by getting drunk, sans Riley? Ella walks into the courtyard looking particularly... flat. I'm sure it's the cameraman's fault. Either way, Ella seems concerned Jonah is already blowing through his money, but Jonah's mind is made up. And we all know once Jonah makes up his mind, it's final. Really, Jonah's just excited about being able to throw an awesome party for his friends who believed in him all along. David asks Ella if Lauren has indicated any reason for their breakup. No luck.

Riley types away at her laptop in the Former Lovenest as Lauren comes up behind her to admire how hard she's working. Lauren has a day off so Riles wants to go shopping. Laur is in awe of how Riley has so much energy and can accomplish so much after what she's been through. Riles isn't hearing all that, she'd much rather find out some more about Lauren's break-up, but before Lauren can open her mouth, Drew shows up with a basket of Riley's forgotten laundry, embarrassingly including underwear. Lauren gets a call from Michael to go in for work, meaning she can't go shopping. Drew takes the fallen-through plans as an opportunity to ask Riley out toy shopping. That's the way to do it, Drew. Make them think you're a pedophile so they'll be pleasantly surprised when you're not one. You're not one, right? Drew says the toys are for the pediatric ward. Good cover story, Drew! Riles declines the invite. Damn! Drew puts on a guilt trip about probably buying lead toys without Riley's help. Lauren gives Riles a nod, urging her to accept the invite. She agrees. The pedophile fake-out tactic works yet again!

Hey, it's Jane! How ya been, Jane? She walks with Amanda into her penthouse. Amanda seems irritated by the visit and Jane seems offended by the lack of hospitality. Can't we all just get along, ladies? Amanda feels no obligation to be grateful for the apartment Jane scored her since she still had to give a security deposit and was only granted the penthouse on the condition she fire Ella. Wait, what?! Jane's apparently still quite pissed about Ella screwing her over at her big fashion opening. Amanda just says these things take time and basically kicks Jane out. "Not everyone can spend their day playing dress-up with mannequins." Burn.

WPK. Ella walks into the building and to her office while on the phone with someone who is obviously upset. It's Jasper Barnes and there is something wrong with his account. Ella looks down at her iMac to find there's been a billing mistake to the effect of $5,000 just as Amanda pokes her head in to find out what the problem is. She's already aware of the problem and all but accuses Ella of stealing the missing money, adding the threat of firing and jailing before leaving. Ella is freaked the fuck out.

ULA. Michael shows Lauren into his office and starts being creepy, old, horny guy. The surgery they just completed has him feeling all tense and he figures he knows a good way to let out the tension. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge. He supposes Lauren still owes him since he didn't get what he paid for the night Lauren showed up at his hotel room all hookered out. Just as Michael is forcing the issue, he gets paged to do a bypass, but he makes it very clear he will call her when he gets out of the OR. "Plan on spending the night." Awkward.

Tethered-swimming Title card


Drew and Riley are in... Mexico? There are mariachis and Mexican flags everywhere. Ohhh... flea market. Way to be a cheapskate for the dying kids, Drew. Riley asks about Drew cheering up Lauren the other night. She not-so-subtly asks if Drew has a thing for Lauren, but he figures co-worker plus neighbor equals no. Drew finds some Hispanic kid and shows off he knows Spanish by poorly asking him what his favorite toy is, then buying them all up. Jerk. He tosses the kid a tyrannosaurus rex toy he pulls out of nowhere. That's little comfort when you've bought up all the kid's favorites, asshole. Riley still seems impressed, but that's Riley.

Amanda's on the phone with her spy clone guy. Clone guy says Sydney's storage unit turned up nothing in his search for the missing painting. She looks out her window and sees Jonah organizing his party. A figurative light bulb forms over her head. She figures she'll use another tactic to get them talking. Woo! BEER PONG!

Photo shoot. Hey Jo is back, too! How ya been, Jo? She's shooting for W and makes it obnoxiously clear to Ella when she walks up during the shoot that she is not shooting for WPK. Ella says she just wants to make sure Jo was properly paid for her shoot of Riley. Yes, she was. Whew! Ella's fears allayed, she decides to throw in some bitch to respond to Jo's initial sass and asks about how Jo was able to swing $200,000 for that shoot. $200,000? Jo says she only made $20,000. Holy shit!

Coal. David is running his new restaurant's kitchen. He turns the corner to find that blonde IOU girl who appears to be stalking him. We find out her name is Morgan. She brings him a watch she stole from her dad, which David recognizes as a fairly expensive watch. She wants David to have it anyway. "When you took my mom's ring, I knew we were made for each other." This is some Swim Fan shit right here. David takes her aside to tell her he can't do this, but Morgan gets a bit blackmaily. She motions David's gaze over to her dad who is sitting in the restaurant. Morgan threatens to tell her dad all about David if she doesn't get what she wants.


Jonah walks around his pool party creation, making sure everything's set up before it starts and admiring his work. He samples a few drinks when Ella walks in, takes one of the drinks and downs it. She makes it a point to tell Jonah she didn't text him on her way home because she has given up texting and driving. Good for you, Elle. She starts to tell Jonah about what's going on at work, but Jonah sort of just laughs it off as a conspiracy theory. Can you blame him? Boy's mind is on a pool party. Lauren walks into The Complex Courtyard in a daze. Ella hands her a drink. Lauren tries to vaguely relate her shitty Mancini problem, but Jonah and Ella just tell her she should just drink her nightmare away. Lauren seems uncharacteristically down for it. She's just going to change clothes and be back out, but as she walks off she locks eyes with David who is entering the courtyard with a few of his new Coal lackeys. He stops in his tracks and overcompensates with some straightening up of his clothes as she exits. David has some food samples which need to meet Jonah's approval. While that's going on and before Lauren can even get in her apartment, her phone rings and it's Michael. He wants her to meet him at the Waverly in the dress she had on the night he caught her hooking. Worst. Job. Ever.

Riley and Drew giggle over dinner. Drew takes the conversation on a serious route and asks about Riley and Jonah's break-up. He wants to know if Riley's ready to get back out there and play the game like Jonah has with Ella. Riley asks what she's playing for, with a devilish grin. I feel like Austin Powers should be telling her "Oh, behave" because: 1. It's a lame and dated reference, and 2. That's all this scene deserves.

The pool party is underway and it actually looks really fun. Amanda sidles up to the bar and tells the bartender to make every drink a triple. She'll make it worth her while, she says as she hands her a wad

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Melrose Place




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