Men In Trees
A Tree Goes In Elmo

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A Tree Goes In Elmo

Previously on Men in Trees, an entire season happened that I didn't watch. To be honest, a show starring Crazy Anne Heche was not my cup of tea. But it also has Kubiac from Parker Lewis Can't Lose and that show was awesome. Plus, it takes place in Alaska, home of one of my favorite shows, Deadliest Catch. So I'll give it a chance.

And when we open, Crazy Anne Heche is calling out to the alien space ships to save her from this planet. Or rather, she's stuck in a snowstorm (Alaska!) with Cash and has gotten lost like a moron.

Meanwhile, Lynn reads a fairy tale to Matty, who finds it scary, because he's kind of a wimp. Elsewhere in the Chieftain, Buzz begs his mail-order bride to talk to him but gets a "Talk to the second hand!" in response, because it's funny when people who don't speak English as their first language mess terms up. Ben gets his ass kicked in checkers by Annie, who's way too excited about her win. Finally, Theresa mentions Marin and how she hasn't been around much lately during this cyclone. The police officers don't care, but Jack of the Turtleneck Sweaters does. He's especially worried upon hearing that the last anyone heard of Marin, she was stupidly walking up a mountain. Just as Sara reassures her son that everything will be fine, the wind knocks her down a few pegs by blowing so hard it crashes through a nearby window, as the Chieftain apparently has windows made out of the very thinnest glass.

Two days earlier, Marin is quirkily painting her floors and painting herself into a corner.

Justine Bateman has bought a fairy-tale book for her unborn child, and everyone in the Chieftain has something to say about that. Buzz and Mai walk in, and Mai congratulates Lynn and Jack on their impending nuptials because she apparently likes it when Marin is unhappy. Ha ha ha! Mai rudely comments on the tinyness of Lynn's engagement ring, like I'm sure Elmo's jewelry store even exists, let alone stocks giant rocks.

Cash hunkily poses in the doorway and watches Marin paint the floor. She tells him that she wants to destroy the tree Jack gave her because it's blocking the view outside her window. I don't think your ruined relationship is really worth killing a tree, Marin. Mother Earth never did you wrong! Well, until two days from now when it cyclones all over you.

At the Chieftain, Sara gets a pleasant little note telling her that her ex-husband is suing her for full custody of Matty. Ben is sorry he asked about it, then offers her a loan to pay for a lawyer if necessary.

Marin attempts to destroy some harmless plant life by yanking Jack's tree out of the ground. It doesn't give an inch. It's called an axe, Marin. She heads to the Chieftain, where she has the great good fortune of almost walking into Lynn on her way out. Awkward! Marin gets seated at the bar and everyone makes fun of her and her failed relationship with Jack. Ha ha ha! They hate her. Ben warns her to finish up her home improvements soon, because an Arctic Cyclone is a-heading their way. Marin cracks lame jokes about not hearing "arctic cyclone" much in New York, along with "excuse me" and "rent control." Either no one in Alaska is familiar with rent control, or else they all hate her, because they pointedly don't laugh along with her.

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Men In Trees

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