Downstairs, courtly Patrick is trying his best not to be judgmental as he tells Marin that they don't have mini-bars. He directs her to the Chieftain.
Holding her collar closed against the cold, Marin picks her way along the sidewalk to the bar. Short ladies shouldn't cuff their pants, Mar. A big-city girl like you should know that. Looking at the other pedestrians, it's hard not to notice what they have in common: they are all dudes. And they all seem shocked at the sight of a fancily dressed blonde among them; many stop to double-take and "aooogah." After a few more steps, a large pine bough lands just at Marin's feet; she spots the warning sign that gives our series its title, and looks up to see a pair of lumberjacks, pruning a gigantic tree.
Chieftain. Men are drinking, shooting pool, scratching their nuts, spitting, cleaning their ears with their car keys, making more money for the same work -- you know, doing guy things. Marin makes a beeline for the bar and orders a Vodka Negroni from Ben (Abraham "Kubiak" Benrubi), who's tending bar. He asks her to refresh his memory, and she's like, "Bitters? Triple Sec?" He's out. She says she'll just take the vodka. She downs the shot he gives her before he can even turn around, and tells him, "Make it a double." As she settles onto her stool, Jerome (Timothy Webber), down at the end of the bar, points and drunks, "Do I know you?" Marin introduces herself, and he replies, "Yeah! You used to sell pelts -- stand out on Route 11." She tells him he's mistaken, and he agrees, but doesn't avoid a clout in the back of the head from Theresa (Sarah Strange), coming up behind him with a tray and telling him to leave Marin alone. Marin smirks and downs her latest shot, assuring Theresa that Jerome's not bothering her. "He will if you let him," Theresa smiles, and gives Ben her tray, cooing, "I hope you're hungry." As she sashays into the kitchen, Marin breathes, "That's nice. It's nice that people still like each other." Ben looks at her like, "Marin, you ignorant slut," and sets her up with another shot.
Presently, Marin is nudged at her right, for which a hoarse voice offers, "Sorry." Marin -- now quite full of Russian courage, it would seem -- grumbles, "Oh, that's original." Jack (James Tupper) is like, "The hell?" Marin: "The old pick-up line. Could use a little sprucing up, if you know what I mean." And what better place to spruce than way up north! Right?! Is this thing on? "I'm not trying to pick you up," says Jack, in that polite but brusque way we'll all come to know and love. Marin tries to convince him that he actually is: "Trust me, I know men. I'm a relationship coach." "'Coach'?" snickers Jack. "What, do you have a ball team?" "No, I do not have a ball team," says Marin, a bit haughtily for someone who tends to make her professional points with the help of "ONE WAY" signs on sticks. "Well, we've got balls," says Jack, looking around at all his brethren, and Marin crows, "You're one of those!...A looky-loo! You put yourself on cruise control and you flirt with women, but you never stop and get out of the car." She congratulates her excellent judgment of character with another shot as Jack looks at her catchprase-hole with alarm. Finally, he tells her, "My name's Jack, and I'm not trying to pick you up. I'm just trying to get a napkin." He reaches across her to do that, offering, "You need one? Coach?" Marin rattles that she doesn't, and if she did, she could get one herself, because she doesn't need a man to get her a napkin: "In fact, I don't need a man, period." Jack's like, "Maybe not, but you do need to get laid, Neurotica." What he actually says is, "Nice to meet you," and then quickly takes off. Marin watches him go, and then orders "one for the road." Oh, dear.