Presently, Marin is nudged at her right, for which a hoarse voice offers, "Sorry." Marin -- now quite full of Russian courage, it would seem -- grumbles, "Oh, that's original." Jack (James Tupper) is like, "The hell?" Marin: "The old pick-up line. Could use a little sprucing up, if you know what I mean." And what better place to spruce than way up north! Right?! Is this thing on? "I'm not trying to pick you up," says Jack, in that polite but brusque way we'll all come to know and love. Marin tries to convince him that he actually is: "Trust me, I know men. I'm a relationship coach." "'Coach'?" snickers Jack. "What, do you have a ball team?" "No, I do not have a ball team," says Marin, a bit haughtily for someone who tends to make her professional points with the help of "ONE WAY" signs on sticks. "Well, we've got balls," says Jack, looking around at all his brethren, and Marin crows, "You're one of those!...A looky-loo! You put yourself on cruise control and you flirt with women, but you never stop and get out of the car." She congratulates her excellent judgment of character with another shot as Jack looks at her catchprase-hole with alarm. Finally, he tells her, "My name's Jack, and I'm not trying to pick you up. I'm just trying to get a napkin." He reaches across her to do that, offering, "You need one? Coach?" Marin rattles that she doesn't, and if she did, she could get one herself, because she doesn't need a man to get her a napkin: "In fact, I don't need a man, period." Jack's like, "Maybe not, but you do need to get laid, Neurotica." What he actually says is, "Nice to meet you," and then quickly takes off. Marin watches him go, and then orders "one for the road." Oh, dear.
Darkness has fallen as Patrick hustles Marin toward the town hall or community center or dance studio or whatever the hell building her lecture's being held in. He tells her they've got a full house, and he's not wrong, but as Marin peeks in, all she sees are plaid flannels and bad haircuts. "Where are the women?" she asks. Patrick, after a moment: "We're hoping you'd kind of help us with that part." Marin has no response to that. Her being wasted doesn't seem to dampen her terror much. Patrick pushes open the door and loudly announces her; everyone turns around expectantly, and the crowd applauds.
Marin staggers to the stage, where she quickly bashes her head into a taxidermied duck hanging from the ceiling. She laughs self-deprecatingly and tries to shake herself into sobriety, finally just launching into her spiel with the can-do spirit of a summer-camp counselor. At Man Camp. But not "Man Camp" from Dr. Phil; that was creepy. Anyway: "Okay! How many of you guys think that finding 'the one' is gonna make you happy?" Most of the men in attendance raise their hands; even Jack, standing at the back of the hall like he's too cool for school, sort of nods. Marin goes on, eyes blazing with drunken bravado: "When did we decide that someone else was in charge of our happiness? We don't even let someone else order our soy lattes!" This line, which got a great reaction from the ladies montaged at the start of the episode, lands with a thud at this audience's steel-toed feet. Marin's like, "Bueller?" "It's a coffee drink!" Patrick pipes up helpfully. Marin: "The point is, don't cheat." These folks don't yet recognize what it looks like when Marin makes it all about her, but they will soon enough. "And you've got to look out for the signs," she continues, "which I didn't, even though it's my job. Yes, you," she says, to Jerome, who says he didn't have a question. Marin says she has one for him: "Let's say you're a guy. And you get engaged to this girl after dating her for a year, during which time she's laughed at all of your jokes, which, some of them? Not so funny. She's gone to your company picnics: snore. Family dinners: scary. She's pretty successful, she's kind, she's not half-bad in the sack. So why do you not want to marry her?" Everyone looks uncomfortable, because no one wants to say the hypothetical guy might not want to marry Marin because she's narcissistic, unprofessional, and drunk.