Chieftain. Buzz (John Amos) is telling a now-dressed Marin that he's only making one flight tomorrow, to Sitka. Marin bravely says she'll go to Sitka, then, but Ben tells her that's in the wrong direction: "Anchorage'll get you to Hawaii." "What's in Hawaii?" asks Buzz. Oh, sweet Buzz. With the answer to that simple question, I could bore you for days. Sigh. Ben takes it upon himself to answer that Marin wanted to go there for "the honeymoon," but that Graham wanted Turkey (big Orhan Pamuk fan, our Graham? Or just a fan of Thanksgiving, and an idiot?): "He got to choose because she made him take dancing lessons." Buzz cracks up. "I told you all that last night?" asks Marin, slightly horrified at herself. "Somewhere between the vodka shots and the Schnapps," Ben confirms. Buzz wants to know "what kind of a pansy man takes dance lessons." The kind that resents taking them and gets back at you with a chippy improbably employed as a New Yorker columnist? Marin tells Buzz how desperate she is to get to Hawaii and, acknowledging that he's her only option, asks what it's going to take. "How much you got?" he asks. Marin's like, "On me?" Buzz exposits a big, unimportant tale about how he started Buzz Airways, which seems to be because he wanted to be able to drink instead of fly whenever he feels like it. Marin says she has $200. Buzz says he'll take it.
The next day, Marin's neighbour is, once again, standing in his drive way, calling for Happy. "Goodbye, Happy," sneers Marin. "I'm going to Hawaii...where it's warm, and there are cigarettes." Don't ash on the beach, Marin, or I'll cut you.
Marin struggles to get all her gear to Buzz's plane, which is just disgorging Jane. "What are you doing here?" Marin asks. Jane says that's her line: "You were supposed to be in Seattle." Marin says she missed her flight, and Jane says she's there to make sure she gets on a flight tonight, to Chicago. "No flight to Chicago tonight," says Buzz cheerfully. Marin says Jane's welcome to come to Hawaii with her, via Anchorage. "No flight to Anchorage either," Buzz tells her. "Storm comin' in. Buzz Airlines is grounded." Is "Buzz Airlines" another name for "Air Canada"? (NEVER AGAIN with Flight 714.)
After the break, Marin and Jane are huddling together as they enter the Chieftain, Jane telling Marin that she heard about Graham and Kiki from her shrink. Jane looks around in alarm, asking Marin, "Is this a gay bar?" Buzz, down at the end of the bar playing cards with Jerome, raises his eyebrows. Marin tells Jane that it's the only bar, and that Elmo is lousy with men. Jane excitedly tells Marin to ask her why they're going to Chicago. Marin regards her, and Jane squeals, "I booked you on Oprah!" Again -- the job of an agent or a publicist. I am just saying. In response to the news, Marin sort of does this full-body sigh -- and bear in mind, this aired in fall 2006, so it's not even like Marin is just disgusted at how much the value of an Oprah appearance has diminished post-The Secret. Jane's like, "You're welcome, bitch," and Marin says she can't do Oprah: "I can't pretend that I know how to find a good man when I can't find one myself." Jane dubs that "stinkin' thinkin'," to which Marin replies, "Everyone has got to stop quoting me to me," I'm guessing because hearing it spoken back to her just highlights how insipid her advice is. Ben offers Marin a vodka, and Jane orders "a char-don-nay. It's a white wine." Ben: "If you like white, I have a [Frenchy-French Fancy Estates] 2001 that will knock your boots off." Because, see, the people may live in the sticks and look like rubes, but that doesn't mean they wouldn't ruin a man's life over a priceless violin...though that particular example may have happened on some other show...can't quite put my finger on the title. Jane and Marin stare at Ben in shock as he smirks off to get it. Jane tells Marin that she needs to get back on the horse: "Starting writing a book again and it'll be okay." "Oh yeah?" challenges Marin. "What's the name of the book gonna be? I'm Not Getting Married In Four Weeks 'Cause He Cheated On Me, And So Can You?" At least maybe readers could learn how Marin got to where she is -- I kind of feel like all self-help books should be cautionary tales. Buzz dubs Marin's proposed title "a little long." Marin self-pities that she apparently knows nothing about men, and Ben says, "Maybe you just weren't listening." "Men talk?" Jane old-maids. Ben plants his hands on the bar and declares, "You have Dirty Harry syndrome...Every woman thinks that she wants Dirty Harry. The tough guy, you know. Big gun. Strong. Silent. But really, what's getting you ladies all hot and bothered is Clint Eastwood, the guy who played Dirty Harry." "The guy with the gun who'll watch Harry Meets Sally [sic] with you -- and cook dinner," says Jerome. The random guy sitting next to Marin at the bar says that if a guy makes too many dinners, he's a pushover." "Cooking dinner, watching girly movies -- what's wrong with you people?" mutters Buzz. Ben concludes, "Women want it all. We can't give it to you." "So you guys are kind of screwed," Marin epiphanies. "You got it," says Ben. A chorus of "Hm"s greets this revelation.