...and then Marin's coming out of the john to find Jack and Ian rolling around on the floor, all Colin Firth and Hugh Grant from Bridget Jones's Diary (the first, good one, not the shitty sequel). Several patrons and kitchen staff pull the boys apart, huffing and glaring. Over Marin? I know y'all are hard-up in Alaska, but spending a whole day with her talking at you would surely drive you to throw her at a bear.

Chieftain. Theresa's doing...something in the kitchen when Ben comes in. She gives him a big smile, and flirtatiously tells him he did a good job setting Boo free: "Didn't know you had it in you." Ben's like, "About that...." After a long pause to steel himself for it, Ben tells Theresa he wants her to move out. He quickly leaves before there can be any discussion about it, leaving Theresa to bite her lip and think about his 800-thread count sheets.

Jack drives. I knew he wouldn't let her! Marin asks Jack to tell her what Ian said, but Jack refuses. She chuckles that it couldn't be that bad, but Jack simply says, "No." Marin tries cute begging, and it actually works, as Jack repeats what Ian called her. "And you beat him up for that?" marvels Marin. Dude, I know! If I heard someone had called me that, I'd be kind of psyched about it. Which probably makes me a bad feminist, but I don't care. "Yeah, I did," says Jack simply. Marin smiles, and tells Jack that, for the record, most women don't mind being called that. Oh shit, if Marin agrees with me, I might have to revise my position. "Thanks for telling me that now," deadpans Jack. She giggles, asking if Jack doesn't think she's a "hot piece of hiney," and I think it's Anne Heche, not Marin, who can't get out that dopey, Andy Griffith-y line without cracking up. Jack also laughs, but tells her, "I think that he was being a jerk, okay?" Marin sincerely thanks him for standing up for her, and for going to the opera. Eh, he got the best parts -- dressing up and drinking. Jack thanks her back, for taking him to the hospital. Reminded of that whole thing, she irritably asks why he didn't tell her he had asthma. He asks if he's supposed to tell her everything about himself. Marin: "favorite colour, no. Bullet in the chest, maybe." Also there's that whole thing where maybe she wouldn't have suggested a trip to the smoking balcony if she'd known YOU HAD ASTHMA. Sometimes we bring heartache on ourselves, Mountain Man! Jack doesn't seem to think that requires a response, so Marin tells him, "I'm so sorry about what happened with your father." This simple, straightforward expression of sympathy really seems to affect Jack, and after a moment, he answers, "It's funny, you know -- it's almost comforting. To have the bullet there." "So close to your heart," says Marin, still thinking how she can weave this metaphor into her stupid book. "Yeah," says Jack mournfully. He adds that he's sorry they didn't get to go to the opera, even though he isn't, probably. Marin says she's just glad he's okay. "Hey," says Jack. "I think we just made it to Chapter 4." Marin smiles, and then they laugh. Friend zone! They're in it. (For now.)