Men In Trees
The Caribou In The Room

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Why Can't We Be Friends?

At the radio station, it's time for Marin to use her own iffy personal life to educate others in the ways of love, as she asks if you can be friends with someone you've slept with. I have a question for Marin: why are you wearing a sleeveless tweed jumper as a sundress? Put on a sweater, woman, Jesus. Anyway, Glen from Sitka calls in to say that you can be friends with former conquests. "I think so too!" crows Marin. Glen adds, "As long as you're not hot for them anymore, or if the sex sucked." Marin deflates, and as Patrick watches her with a dopey grin, Marin asks, "What if the sex was good?" Hey, who's the alleged life coach, here? Eh, whatever: Glen from Sitka's probably just as qualified as Marin -- maybe more, as he replies, "Then what are you doing not having sex with them?" Marin is dumbstruck, and Patrick says that Glen's got a point, and switches over to Zach from Ketchikan, who tried to be friends with a girl after they'd had sex, but couldn't stop picturing her naked: "Who wants to go backwards?" Marin doesn't agree that friendship is "backwards" (which -- sure, if you didn't really like each other that much before you did it), but Zach counters, "Once you've gotten more with someone, why would you want less?" Patrick looks at Marin like, "Well?" Marin scrunches up her face, shocked that no one in Alaska will validate her decision to sleep with Jack and then try to kind of act like she didn't.

After the show (or another day entirely, judging by her new outfit), Marin's having lunch with Annie at the Chieftain, asking why Annie won't let Patrick stay over. Annie swears Marin to secrecy, and then confesses that she snores. Marin doesn't seem to think that's such a big deal. Annie contends that "it's bad." Marin asks how bad it could possibly be, and Annie says she's not sure, since she's never heard herself, but that she used to wake her whole family: "They made me sleep in the garage!" Oh man, that reminds me of a family reunion when my parents, my grandparents, my sister, and I were sharing a cabin, and my dad's snoring was so oppressively loud that the next day we all compared notes on what we'd considered doing to escape it; my mom and I had each contemplated sneaking out to the back seat of the car. But we still might have heard him through the window. Dude, it was bad. And so it is with Annie, but Marin's bored talking about her problems, and changes the subject to the fact that Elmo only takes up an eighth of a page in some Alaskan cultural guidebook she's acquired. Annie's not done, though, sadly saying she's not joking about her adenoidal challenges, so Marin puts her book away (for now) and says that everyone has secrets, but that when you're intimate with someone, you have to trust that he'll be able to handle them. Annie asks what Marin's secret thing is (oh, this ought to be good), but she'll only cop to dangling earlobes. What's wrong with that? It's the attached ones that people should be ashamed of. Annie excuses herself to return to the office, expositing that she's in charge while Jack's away. Marin asks where he is, and learns that he's tracking a bear. Marin says it sounds dangerous, but Annie says he's just collecting stool samples. See, now, everyone in Elmo might not be so quick to hook Marin up with Jack if they knew how much time he spent around poo. Annie adds that he's taking the samples the next day to a zoo, outside Anchorage, for analysis. Marin's eyes light up: "Anchorage has its own book!" I would make fun, but after a month out in the bush, I would be jonesing so hard to see a movie in a cinema, you don't even know. Glark and I once cut short a long weekend at a cottage in eastern Ontario when we got too bored without TV reception. I'm not better than anyone.

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Men In Trees

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