And now, on with the recap. We open once again with the weekly Walk & Talk. The Dorky Dilemma Du Jour is that Donna is angry at Mickey for not answering his phone when their kid was injured. Apparently, the kid whacked his head on a coffee table, and when Donna called Mickey for help, he wasn't available. "Why wasn't he available?" you may be asking (assuming, of course, that you care, which you so don't). Well, it turns out that Mickey was at the massage parlor. Sorry you asked yet? Mickey rationalizes that there's nothing wrong with that, because everyone gets massages, right? This is spoken over images of a naked Sachiko pressing her pointy, pointy nipples right into Binder's back. For a moment, I fantasize that I'm watching some sort of bizarre porno-Buffy (and yeah, I have that fantasy a lot) wherein staking him with those nipples is actually the only way to kill the Binder beast. Meanwhile, back at the Walk & Talk, the NBF has arrived. He changes the subject to Jake and Eileen The Oversexed Entertainment Editor, and Jake reports about the letter to the editor Eileen wrote last week. "And you know how [Memmet] is," he says. "For every letter to the editor, he thinks there's thirty people out there who feel the same way." Well, going by that statistic, Sars can tell you that there's at least 510 of you out there who find Mike Binder to be funnier than me, and we all know that's not true. Jake is planning to have a "sit-down" with Eileen later in the day, and I can only hope it goes better than the last "sit-down" I recapped. Mickey now gets all worried that Sachiko might send Donna a letter, and then presents the following as the excuse he might use: "If she does send the letter, I tell Donna it's addressed to a former occupant and sent by a wacko Japanese masseuse who's been hiding in the woods since World War II and doesn't know the war is over." First of all, way to rub it in once again that I could have been recapping the far superior Band of Brothers instead of this crap. Secondly, it's...you know what? There is no secondly. It's a stupid line. I know it's a stupid line, you know it's a stupid line, and HBO Head of Programming Chris Albrecht knows it's a stupid line. And at this point, my coming up with a funny way of showing that it's a stupid line would be a stupid waste of time. So I'm not going to bother. Hell, even Jake knows it's a stupid line. "Think she'll buy it?" he asks. "Depends on how I sell it," replies Mickey.
Chris Albrecht: For the record, the only reason I even bought this piece of crap is that he told me the guy from Barcelona would be in it.