Mind of the Married Man
Pilot

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Aaron: C- | Grade It Now!
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Out Of My Mind

Cut to Mickey changing the diaper and whining to the baby. Man, this guy never shuts up. You'd also think that someone who was so worried about "acclimating" would have at least taken off his heavy overcoat before trying to change a diaper, but I guess not. The scene ends with the obligatory lotion-squirting sight gag, and I actually had to cringe and turn away. You know, I was little worried at this point that my decision to actively dislike this show from day one would once again be proven wrong, much like what happened with Six Feet Under. I think it's safe to say, however, that Mike Binder is no Alan Ball, and when we talk a bit more about Mike's movie career down there in the next paragraph, you'll realize just how true that is.

Now we get still more jump-cuts, this time of Mickey and Donna discussing the porn problem. The conversation starts in the kitchen with them doing dishes, but rapidly moves to the bedroom. The whole point of this scene is to teach us that sometimes, when women are upset, they like to pretend that nothing is wrong. Personally, I was shocked by that revelation. I mean, really. I had no idea. Also, for those of you who may be wondering just how self-indulgent the writer, producer, director, and star of this show might be, Mickey is actually wearing a "Camp Tamakwa" T-shirt in this scene. Camp Tamakwa, of course, is from the movie Indian Summer, which was, surprise surprise, written and directed by one Michael Binder. What's sad is that I actually liked that movie. Of course, in hindsight, it is very proto-Binderian. Incidentally, the only other significant film in the Binder oeuvre is Damon Wayan's Blankman. I have absolutely no idea how that happened. On the other hand, he's got another one in there called The Sex Monster, and I know EXACTLY how that one happened. Anyway, as they argue, Mickey finally convinces her to talk about the problem. Donna somehow seems not to have known that Mickey was using the pictures to pleasure himself, but even after discovering that little tidbit, she still seems cool with it. "It's your penis," she says. "You do what you want with it." Oh, if I only had a nickel for every time a girl said that to me. I could borrow a quarter and buy a stamp. Oh, and by the way, Donna is British. That has absolutely no relevance whatsoever to the plot of the episode, but it will (once again) be important for the purposes of a joke in the next paragraph.

Cut to a bar somewhere, with Doug refusing to believe that Donna didn't go ballistic. They're joined by Jake, who mocks Mickey because he's forty years old and still masturbating. He also claims that Donna is making him feel guilty about it because those "British broads learned that mind-control shit during World War II." Uh, okay. Whatever. I wonder if we'll be seeing that one on Band of Brothers, or, as I like to call it, BoB. Say what you want about HBO's fall schedule this year, but at least the acronyms are fun. Speaking of which, I hereby declare the winner of the "I want my MoMMy" contest to be Myn, with "Mind of the Married Man, Yikes!" It would have been Glark, with "Mind of the Married Man, Why?" but MBTV employees and their families (and Glark is actually both of those things) aren't eligible to win. So congratulations, Myn, and I'd like to assure everyone else who entered that the fact that Myn and I have known each other since the ninth grade had absolutely nothing to do with my decision. Just make sure you send me all the negatives, okay Myn?

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Mind of the Married Man

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