Mind of the Married Man
Pilot

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Out Of My Mind

Meanwhile, back at the bar, Mickey tells Doug that he knows his wife, and that "the whole thing hardly fazed her." Who can guess what's coming? Yep, that's right. It's an ironic segue. Donna: "I've been devastated ever since I saw those [naughty, naughty] pictures." All you really need to know about the rest of this scene is that Mickey uses the phrase "jerking off" three times in one sentence, and Donna actually maintains a straight face while describing the girls in the porn as "young and tight, [with] tight little asses you could bounce a quarter off." They fight some more, and then head home to the strains of a song that I'm betting Mike Binder also wrote and performed himself for the soundtrack.

The next day at the office, Mickey is quickly met by M. Emmet Walsh, who's playing his boss. Mickey tries to convince him to give Doug a new column, but Memmet, as I'll (hopefully temporarily) be calling him, thinks Doug is too much of a homebody to do the job well. Memmet also manages to use the word "balls" three times in one sentence. Is this what passes for humor nowadays? Using the same fucking dirty word as fucking many fucking times as you fucking can in one fucking sentence fuck? There's a ham-handed attempt at establishing a father/son rapport between these two, and then Memmet goes all meta and throws in yet another "jerking off" joke before leaving.

In his Friends-apartment-sized office, Mickey is interviewing various candidates to be his new secretary. There's three schlubs and a really hot girl who kisses his ass. Gee, I wonder who he'll hire. Not only that, but her name is Missy. Get it? Mickey and Missy? Miss Missy gushes over how much she enjoyed his column on "spiritualism in politics and its impact on the middle class." Does this guy write for Izveztia? And let's also not forget that this is man who can't go three words with using a euphemism for masturbation, and now we're supposed to believe he's the second coming of William Bennett? Whatever. As Binder sports yet another Woody (in both the anatomical and theatrical senses), we get more twitchy edits and a DEK moment of Missy suggesting that, if she's hired, people will have to "surgically remove [her] head from [his] fucking undershorts." Eww. On so many levels. Anyway, cut to Mickey telling the sassy black personnel lady that he's decided to hire Missy. She tells him she's not surprised, and yes, she does it sassily.

In the Binder bathroom, Mickey is brushing his teeth while Donna is sitting on the toilet. You know, nothing says "trying too hard to be edgy" like female urination. Well, except for incorporating anal sex, that is. Gosh, I sure hope they don't decide to go there. Donna divulges that she wants to have a second child, but Mickey would prefer to wait until the first one is old enough to change diapers. The big joke in this scene is that Donna pees for a really long time. I know. It wasn't any funnier on the show, either.

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Mind of the Married Man

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