Incidentally, this week's Repetitive Word Of The Week is obviously going to be "Shemp." As you know, previous winners of this prestigious award include "cold," "balls," and "jerking off." So here's what we're going to do: Since it's clear that no one in their right mind would ever actually watch this crap, I have to find a way to bring you kids into the recaps. So we're gonna have ourselves a little contest. I'll designate an RWoW each week, and at the end of the season (or after, praise be unto God, cancellation) you'll have to come up with a sentence or paragraph using as many of them as possible. The winner will receive the item of their choice from MBTV's Mind of The Married Man store, autographed by me (because it's not like you'd actually be caught dead wearing the thing in public). If you don't want my autograph, I can probably arrange for any other recapper to sign it, and don't worry, my feelings would only be hurt a little. Ooh! Actually, that reminds me of a second contest. Let's play "Who Want To Pick The T-Shirt Tagline?" I'll post a thread in the forums, and we'll take submissions for a week or so. As always, I reserve the right to ignore you people completely, and to impose my own arbitrary will upon the masses.
Another Walk & Talk. This time, Doug whines about his money problems again. Mickey suggests finding Karin a job, but Doug insists that she remain a housewife. Instead, he suggests putting her on a strict allowance, which would permit her to buy only food and toiletries for sixty days. "You're putting your wife in lockdown?" asks Mickey. "Isn't that when the prisoners always riot?" I can't believe I'm saying this, but I actually think I'd rather be recapping Oz. It is, after all, also in my time-slot.
At The Office Where No One Ever Works, Jake and the NBF (it's sort of like Prince and The New Power Generation, only different) banter about NBF's Jim Harbaugh interview, which he only landed because he took the guy to a strip club. Oh please. Jim Harbaugh is so washed up he'd give an interview to anyone who put a nickel in his cup of pencils. Plus he hasn't played for Chicago since 1993. Nice research, Mike. NBF pontificates thusly: "You know, there's something about a fine ass that makes men talk. It's like male bonding. Bonding with the ass." No additional commentary from me is necessary on that one. Eileen approaches and acts nervous and uncomfortable so we all know she's not really over Jake yet. Hmm. Could that be Foreshadowing I see o'er yonder, waving his giant runway landing lights and jumping up and down? Could be. Anyway, Eileen returns to her own desk, boots up her PC, and types in the following: "Jake is an asshole. Jake is a worm. Jake is a blight on humanity. I love Jake. I want to fuck Jake's eyes out and then I want to knock him out cold and feed his dick to fish." Yeah. I'm not making that up. Damn you, pause button! Damn you to hell! Incidentally, this is where I wanted to put that "Cipro" joke.