Mind of the Married Man
Time On The Lake

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Good Swill Hunting

The whole hunting discussion comes to a painfully visual halt when Carol describes the way in which seeing her husband killing a defenseless animal makes her horny. "Sometimes," she reports, "I even clean his gun." With the de rigueur single entendre out of the way, the conversation turns to Jake and his hobbies, which apparently include antiquing. Once again, we're informed that his wife finds something incredibly sexy about seeing her husband get a good price on an antique chest. I'll let you make up your own single entendre on that one. And finally, Mickey asks the NBF for his hobbies, but NBF doesn't want to say, because he's on a first date. This week's "Written by Mike Binder" credit, by the way? Appears over total silence. Ah, if only it could stay that way…

Later that night, Donna is doing some more of her contractually obligated plot advancement. Or, as I like to call it, incessant whining. She's upset that they don't have any hobbies, and that Mickey spends all his time with his buddies instead of her. It's not until she suggests that they themselves go antiquing, however, that Mickey loses it. First he makes another back-acne reference, and then he tells a story about some friends who bought a beautiful antique, brought it home, and discovered that it was covered with some sort of mold that made their kid sick. Donna's response? "Where do you think of these things? You're insane. You should be ashamed of yourself." I couldn't agree more, honey. Mickey then revises his story to say that it was actually lead paint chips instead of mold that made the kid sick. "[He] had the shits for months. Poor little kid just shitting everywhere around the house. Just constantly, twenty-four hours a day, just little shit droppings everywhere." Something tells me I've found this week's Repetitive Word Of The Week. Also, Mike Binder is a shithead. He continues, "So, if you want that, we'll go and get some antiques, and we'll let the shit-a-thon begin." I'd say you're about five weeks too late on that last one, buddy.

The Daily Mirror. Memmet is whining about how he's just "an old city desk guy" and how he doesn't understand why anyone would want to read a column about this newfangled "internet" thingy the kids seem all hyped up about. To be fair, I can certainly understand why people associated with MoMM wouldn't want to read this particular internet column, but my advice to them would be to stop whining and just call their agents. After all, you've only got a few weeks left until the inevitable cancellation, and you've already been dumped to that treacherous 10:30 timeslot previously reserved for such televisual gems as Arli$$, Real Sex Nine Billion, and G-String Divas. I mean, your future's so bright, you can forget about the shades and just go with one of those mining helmets with the lamp on top. Meanwhile, Jake receives an e-mail calling him, yep, you guessed it, "a piece of shit." This is rapidly followed by another informing him that he's "a piece of shit, cockhead." I threw that second one in because it's not very often that you get a chance to use the word "cockhead" in a recap, and besides, what are they gonna do to me, stop covering the show on MBTV? Yeah, I wish. Anyway, Memmet delivers a few more meta moments, and we get a nice, long, lingering shot of Eileen The Oversexed Entertainment Editor to make sure we all know who sent the e-mails. Except, of course, for the fact that she was sitting in Memmet's office the whole time, and couldn't possibly have sent them.

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Mind of the Married Man

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