Mind of the Married Man
Time On The Lake

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Good Swill Hunting

Mike Binder, on why people watch: "Probably the same reason that people watch car races. They are hoping for a wreck."

Now it's time for the walk & talk, only this time there's a twist. It's Donna and Carol, strutting down the sidewalk, swinging their stuffed-full shopping bags. This whole scene is based around the shocking, newly-discovered premise that men don't like to shop. Wow. I had no idea. Donna suggests that Mickey considers shopping to be roughly the equivalent of a trip to a "castration hall." Okay, first off, that's not a half-bad idea, at least as far as the future of the human race is concerned. Secondly, however, what the hell is a "castration hall"? Seriously. That's not the sort of place I want to wander into by accident. There's more "humor" about guys shopping with their wives, including an especially "witty" and "insightful" bit featuring Mickey holding a purse, and then Carol advances the "plot" a bit more by reminding Donna that shopping is a great way to spend time with the spouse.

Jeers. Medium Pussy is playing pool with the boys when he notices what he describes as "the hottest woman [he's] ever seen" entering the bar. There's much ogling and macho banter, the substance of which involves the idea that no matter how attractive this woman is (and, to be fair, she is quite attractive), there's at least one guy out there who's tired of having sex with her. "You think that's true?" asks Doug. "Or is that just something that men have sold themselves on so they feel better about themselves and their inability to get a woman like that?" I certainly know I've told myself a lot about my inability to get a woman like that, but in my case, most of it involved an adamant refusal to spend a thousand dollars an hour on a call girl, and not the idea that I would ever actually get tired of the sex. But that's really neither here nor there (nor legal, for that matter), so let's just move on. The Really Hot Girl is joined at the bar by some schlub that Mickey identifies as "Murphy." Turns out that the RHG is Murphy's wife, and Medium Pussy seizes on this as an opportunity to check off yet another plot point. Uh, I mean, "find out if Murphy is really tired of having sex with his wife." He even goes so far as to tell Mickey that finding this out could be worth a Pulitzer Prize. If you ask me, I think I deserve a Pulitzer Prize, especially if my campaign to get this show cancelled is successful.

Jake's Joint. In a Dream On shout-out so unsubtle that my corneas are still bleeding, we fade up on a young boy watching TV while seated on the living room floor. I think it's sad that this show has to aspire just to reach the incredibly unlofty heights of breast-jiggling quality entertainment that Dream On used to provide so well. In any case, the kids are joined by Jake and the wife, but the nice peaceful scene of domestic bliss is interrupted when Jake shoves his hand up his wife's skirt. Then he climbs up on the sofa and mounts her, right behind their two utterly oblivious children. Trust me when I tell you, those are some lucky children. Cut to later, as Jake is carrying his son to bed. Apropos of nothing, the kid asks what's underneath his Daddy's cheek. Jake promises to ask a medical reporter from the paper, and I can't help but wonder if that was a subtle shout-out from Binder, asking me to turn the other cheek in my recaps. On the off chance that it was, let me assure you that the only cheeks I'll be turning towards Mickey are the ones I'm using to moon him.

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Mind of the Married Man




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