Mother’s Daughter

Episode Report Card
admin: F | Grade It Now!
Wakey, wakey
Just like last time, the episode opens with a ton of clips that really don't have anything to do with anything that happens on tonight's episode. Like there's someone screaming inside a church, and there's Skeet playing catch with Tommy as he explains that he doesn't have any parents -- okay, that one applies to this episode. But it seems like they were trying to cram an awful lot of background into a clips that are going to be kind of meaningless to people who had never watched the show before.

So we open in Lancaster, Pennsylvania, and the only time television shows have anything to do with Pennsylvania is when the Amish are involved, like, NICE STEREOTYPING, Miracles, and sure enough there's a horse-drawn buggy clip-clopping down the highway. And it reminds me of when I was in Grade 7 and we watched Witness in class for Lord knows what reason. I assume we were studying the Amish and I guess Mr. Chomyk was having one of those "in lieu of actual teaching, here's a video" days, but since the movie has Han Solo in it, I wasn't bothered, and then I didn't have to actually pay attention and I could exchange notes with the girl who sat in front of me in one of those Grade 7-esque demonstrate-your-infatuation-with-sarcasm-and-insults romances. And Kelly McGillis is naked in that movie, so of course Mr. Chomyk fast-forwarded over that part, but he didn't stop the tape, so we wound up seeing Kelly McGillis naked really really briefly. But if you were a twelve-year-old boy of a certain technological era you know what it was like to spend hours watching scrambled porn in the hopes of seeing the briefest glimpse of female nudity, so we got an eyeful that day in 7C.

Anyway, that carriage is moving down the highway at a respectable clip. And we cut to what I'm assuming is the source of the sense of urgency: a young woman moaning in bed.

Oh, shame on you, you perverts. She's Amish. And she appears to be in some distress, despite being tended to by another Amish woman who's pouring water and applying cold compresses and other sorts of things that indicate the girl has a fever. She's muttering something that's incomprehensible, but it's probably just Dutch, as her mother (I'm assuming) would be a little more freaked out if her daughter were speaking in tongues.

Outside, the buggy pulls up, and the mother runs to a window to ask if "Josiah" is back, and there's an older woman named Miriam there who tells her not to worry, since her daughter is strong. And Josiah comes running in with a bag with a big block of ice, explaining that the neighbours were out of ice, so he had to go to Everly's market. Right. Like he's not late because he dropped a few quarters in the Double Dragon machine at the 7-11. Or am I thinking of myself in Grade 7 again?

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