Aaaaand we're in Virginia way ahead of Skeet and Keel, since we're able to cut there and not drive, and we see two kids walking down the sidewalk on their way home from school, when they decide to take a shortcut through the woods. Several years of watching Law & Order have conditioned me to get a snack at this time, since they're just going to discover a body, and then Briscoe comes along and makes a wisecrack, so I had to force myself not to get up.
What happens is, the kids race through the woods, with the younger brother eventually resorting to a dirty trick (knocking his older sister's book out of her hand) to take the lead. "No fair, that's cheating!" she yells, which earns a cackle from her little brother. She squats to pick up a book, and sees a large red footprint in the dirt. It's...I don't know why it's red, it just is. She seems a little startled, then races to catch up with Gus.
She almost bumps into him, as he's standing, transfixed by the muddy, grimy, Civil War-era soldier in the bushes. The soldier is staring right back at them. I've never run into any Civil War soldiers in the bushes behind my house, but I suspect it would be a little freaky. Even scarier, furthermore, would be the fact that this guy is translucent -- and Gus and his sister run screaming all the way home to Mommy to tell her they saw a ghost.
Cut to the Civil War soldier, fully opaque, running through the woods as fast as his terrified legs and the weather (now dark and rainy) allows him, back to his unit. They ask "Henry" where he's been all night. "I just seen a ghost!" he says. You can tell it's the olden days because of his bad grammar. After all, nobody says "I seen" anymore, do they?
Commercials. They're pretty much the same ones from last week, with the notable exception (thank God) that there's not an ad for the Bose Wave radio. They must have blown the budget last week. There is, however, a new and highly annoying ad for Disney, even though I thought Christians had rules against worshipping false idols.
The onscreen title tells us that the SQ station wagon is parked in "West Glen, Virginia." While the thought of Alva and Skeet parked alone at night in a car on a deserted stretch of road might give some of TWoP's posters palpitations, Skeet doesn't look overly thrilled. Could be all that junk food he's eaten -- evidenced by the many empty containers in the car -- is repeating on him. He also wants to know how it can be a hundred degrees at three in the morning. "It's not the heat, it's the humidity," says Alva, which probably should earn him some sort of physical punishment. Skeet looks through the binoculars. I guess he wants to see how dark it is close up. He tells Keel he doesn't see anything, and Keel actually rolls his eyes and says, "Are you sure?" and he takes the binoculars himself so he can look at the dark close up, and he whines that it's been the same story for the past three nights, which is odd (for Keel) since this is one of the most "common unexplained phenomena there is." You see, for Keel, it's odd when you don't see ghosts. Kind of like if Jessica Fletcher is a weekend guest at someone's house and no one gets murdered.
Skeet and Keel -- oh, God, I just referenced Murder, She Wrote. I'm losing it. My well of hip references to sprinkle in my recaps has run dry. Uh, OutKast! Naomi Klein! Jon Stewart's fractured take on the news of the day! Despite its irrelevance to a mainstream music audience, Prince's musical output has never been more interesting or challenging! Whew.