The Bone Scatterer

Episode Report Card
Daniel: B- | Grade It Now!
He ain't evil, he's my brother

Turns out the guidance counselor is also the wrestling coach, and he remembers seeing Evelyn in the gym talking to the sheriff. "I'm actually here about his son," says Evelyn, and the guidance counselor says, "Okay," instead of, "Okay. And who might you be?" He just asks, "Is something wrong?" and Evelyn ignores this and just asks how Travis's grades are, and he says they're "not great" because Travis is "bright but not conventionally bright" and he falls through the cracks since teachers don't know how to teach kids like that. Or something. I was too busy being flabbergasted at this guy divulging confidential information like this. Also, Travis's mom is dead; Travis has an aunt in Hamilton (another Canadian place-name), but the counselor thinks she's out of the picture, so you know she'll turn up at some point. Does Travis have any friends? No, not really, says the counselor, laughing a bit. And when Evelyn asks if Travis ever exhibits any violent tendencies, the counselor, speaking as the wrestling coach, says, "I wish!" and explains that Travis, who's not a "naturally born athlete," is only on the team as a favour to his father. And Evelyn says it's probably not a lot of fun when you're getting "trounced on [sic]" by boys twice your size. The counselor says, "Sometimes a good ass-kicking is just what a boy needs to keep him in line," and Evelyn asks if Sheriff Loco agrees with him, and The Worse Guidance Counselor Ever tacitly agrees by explaining that the sheriff is a single parent doing his best to turn his boy into a man. So Evelyn throws the "little ass-kicking" line back in his face, and the counselor says the sheriff is "one of the good guys" and whatever goes on in that house is none of his business, which is absolutely hilarious coming from Counselor Blabbermouth here. Evelyn says she thinks it is his business, and they glare at each other, and the counselor says, "I think I'm done talking to you," and Evelyn strolls out of there.

Over at Sheriff Loco's house, Travis has decided to keep himself up by stabbing himself in the arm with a big knife and listening to really loud, really crappy music. Out in the car, Skeet can barely stay awake himself, like, nice stakeout. He does manage to see someone climb down the porch and run into the woods, so he gets out of his car and broodily, slowly, Skeetily gives chase.

Meanwhile, Keel's wandering into a dingy bar where Aerosmith is blasting, like, why can't Aerosmith just go away forever, and he orders a single-malt scotch and a water while the mostly Native American patrons eye him suspiciously, one of whom Keel laughingly tries to befriend by complimenting the "colourful establishment you have here." And the dude says, "They have a bar for guys like you outside town, called the Rainbow. Maybe you should go there." Yeah, I bet there are gay bars all over rural Michigan. Anyway, Keel responds in what is presumably this guy's native tongue, "They have a bar exclusively for investigation of the paranormal?" like, maybe we could have an episode without Keel demonstrating the mastery of another language. And instead of kicking Keel's condescending ass, the dude just looks over where there's an older guy sitting alone at a table illuminated by a single bulb, so here we go again with the mystical Indian cliché, as Keel wanders over to talk. They say "bonjour" to each other (or, as Keel pronounces it, "boo-zhoo") and then speak a bunch of not-French, so my guess is they're speaking Michif, which is a combination of French and Cree spoken by the Métis, who are half-native, half-French, the result of French settlers of North America -- but it's rarely spoken anymore anyway, and I thought it was interesting since there's a large Métis population in southern Alberta, where the real Red Deer and Medicine Hat (which comes up later in the show) are, so somebody is having fun with the script, even if they wind up pretending that this is Chippewa they're speaking and that they're in Michigan. And since I seem to recall the occasional X-Files episode with scenes set in Canada, I'm a little annoyed that they don't give the viewer enough credit to stick with the show if SQ goes to Red Deer, Alberta. Anyway.

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