Miss Match
Addicted To Love

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He's just trying to be honest about being a misanthrope

Kate follows her and, totally ignoring what's obviously wrong with Amy, jokingly says that she thinks she saw that Michael guy checking her out. Amy smiles but doesn't say anything, so Kate tries again by telling her she looks terrific. After a pause, Amy says, "Kate, I don't know how you work, but Michael and I need to be on our own now." "Of course!" says Kate, a little too brightly. "I'll never forget what you did; you were amazing to me, so I don't really know how to say this, but I don't need you to be involved anymore." "Amy, Michael invited me," says Kate. "It's not just tonight, Kate. You know that. I can take it from here." Kate pretends like this is no big deal and tells Amy to take it away, then adds that she should also lose the stripper she hired for Michael. Amy's all, what? I didn't hire a stripper for Michael! Uh-oh. Amy says, "I did hire a wood stripper for my living room. He came this morning." Then it dawns on her. "Did you look at my handheld?" Kate lies at first, and then tries to excuse herself by saying that the thing started beeping and she was just trying to shut it off. Now Amy's pissed. You do not want to piss off a classics professor, I'll tell you what. She says Kate's really crossed a line, then, fuming, goes back to the party. Kate strolls back too, putting on a happy face, to tell Michael that she has court in the morning so she's got to go. Amy, who's managed to start laughing since she got back to the table, can barely conceal the stink-eye she's shooting Kate's way. Kate walks out of the restaurant. Where's she going to get her love fix now? Commercials.

In court, Craig is testifying that he worked sixteen-hour days, seven days a week. "Julia knew that," he said. But he was unemployed, right? I'm not sure I get this. If he wasn't working on that program, what was he working on? Sandy asks if Julia ever tried to pry him away from his work. And Craig starts talking about all the evil insidious things his wife did to try to get his attention, like having dinner parties and hiding his laptop. This Craig guy is truly odious, I have to say. Sandy establishes that Julia didn't even know how to turn on a computer, and that Craig did absolutely nothing to develop his $10-million computer program while he was married to her. Sandy turns the witness over to Kate, who stands up and promptly asks, "Who'd you lose your virginity to?" Sandy steps up. "Objection, for numerous reasons!" "Are you going somewhere with this?" asks the judge. "I promise," says Kate. "She promises," the judge announces, and shrugs. "I'll bite." Yeah, we believe you're a real judge, lady. Kate repeats her question, and Craig says he lost his virginity to Julia. And Kate keeps asking questions, in each case the answer being Julia. Who'd you buy your first house with? Who cooked every meal for you? Who introduced you to Harold Kahn, the man who bought your computer program? Craig says he doesn't remember, so Kate says she'll give him a hint. She submits as Exhibit A a guest list for one of his wife's dinner parties (with Jerrold whispering, "Go get 'im!"). Now does he remember meeting Harold there? Craig reluctantly admits it. Kate asks if it wasn't true that Harold was in fact going to leave early because he couldn't eat the filet mignon with porcini mushroom demi-glaze his wife was serving, which I understand is common fare in households where neither person is BRINGING HOME A PAYCHEQUE. Craig admits that is true, as well as the fact that Julia left the dinner party to buy a half-pound filet of tilapia, baked it in a light curry sauce, and served it on a bed of butternut squash risotto, in order to get Harold to stay. "After dinner, what did you and Mr. Kahn talk about?" "This and that…ideas…" says Craig. "Ideas for what? And remember you're under oath," says Kate pleasantly. Craig gives up, in the face of such relentless pressure. Such sweet, personable pressure! "Ideas for…my software program," he admits. It's not exactly Colonel Jessup admitting he ordered the Code Red, I have to say. Sandy looks pissed, and Nick and Jerrold look quite pleased. "Did it ever occur to you that your wife was doing this because she loved you and because she wanted to support your career?" Sandy objects. "Calls for speculation!" she says. Too little too late, counselor, but Kate withdraws the question nonetheless. "Good, 'cause you made me hungry," says the judge, who adjourns court and says they'll reconvene in the afternoon.

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Miss Match

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