Miss Match
Addicted To Love

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He's just trying to be honest about being a misanthrope

She looks even more distressed as she wanders through the bookstore. Down one row, a woman is asking where she can find books by Danielle Steel, and there's Adam Goldberg, who really deserves to graduate from Hey! It's That Guy University any day now. He's playing the I'm Smarter Than You Guy quite well here, managing not to come across too snobby to the poor woman asking about the Steel "books," but maybe because she's hot. After he tells her that she "[doesn't] want to read those," he identifies that she's looking for a tearjerker and directs her to Pride and Prejudice, in which she'll get not only her heartbreaking romance, but also a "charming prose style" and "characters [she'll] remember forever." Never having read Jane Austen, I can't comment. I bet Sars can, though! ["I'll probably get my straight-girl membership card revoked for this, but I'm not a fan." -- Sars] Instead of telling him to cram it and show her where the Steel books are, the woman smiles brightly and thanks him, off to buy a book with decidedly less neon on the cover.

Kate was eavesdropping, naturally, and she says she's impressed, but Goldberg says he got fired from Barnes and Noble for "ragging on The Nanny Diaries." Heh. But again, I haven't read it. And this time, I'm betting Sars won't be any help. ["You are correct, sir." -- Sars] Kate asks where she can find Your Boundaries, Your Life, but before she can even tell him the author, he's already making exasperated noises and telling her that if she reads that, she might as well give up on life and move to a desert island, but he'll show her where it is. Had I been Kate, I would have then asked for some Chicken Soup for the Soul too. Just to watch his head explode. He sums up the book as being about establishing boundaries so you don't get too involved in your life (pretty simplistic -- maybe it is by Dr. Phil!), but it's Goldberg's opinion that with boundaries you'll never experience anything worthwhile in life, like love. Kate asks him if he's expert on love as well, so he says that Kafka says a book should be like an ice pick that breaks through the frozen sea around us. Goldberg thinks love should be the same. Only Kate could walk into a big chain bookstore and find a clerk who can quote Kafka. The last time I was in Chapters, I had to spell "Shakespeare" for the poor clerk and her computer. Fortunately, even in Moose Jaw, I have a nice small bookstore (it's actually the only one in town) which might not have every book ever printed, but you can order every book ever printed, and the owner knows me and can actually recommend stuff to me since he knows what I like. If you're ever in Moose Jaw, drop by and say hi to Tim. That is, if the place can stay open without my money, since I'm moving -- I'm scared to think about how much money I've spent there in the past four years. Let's just say Tim felt obligated to invite me to his kid's college graduation. Anyway, Kate says that she knows a girl who really needs to hear the whole love-as-ice-pick metaphor, and Goldberg's all, really? And ding ding ding! Kate gets an idea, and Goldberg turns into a stammering shlub, vacillating between "I can't" and "I can" and "I shouldn't" and finally "what the hell." Kate thinks they'll hit it off just fine.

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Miss Match

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