Miss Match
Addicted To Love

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He's just trying to be honest about being a misanthrope

Kate's on her cell phone talking to Rachel, telling her about "Jared," who Kate describes as an "inner-sensitive Jane Austen with an outer-rebellious Franz Kafka," and Rachel makes an approving "mmm-hmmm!" noise before coming clean and asking if that's good. It is, says Kate. And they're going to meet for drinks at "Elixir," which Kate says was Jared's idea, so "major points right off the bat." Rachel says that's great, before asking, "What's Elixir?"

Well, Elixir is some kind of Zen tea house that sells "tonics and teas," according to its signage. And the stereotypical pan flute that starts wafting over the soundtrack. Jared and Rachel are enjoying tea that has Chinese peony, gingko leaf, and ginseng root. Well, Rachel's not enjoying it so much, or at all, and she apologizes to Jared, who has to tell her that it's really okay if she doesn't like the damn tea. So he concentrates on praising the atmosphere, at least until he sees Rachel make a whatever face, and she admits she appreciates the romantic effort, but it's wasted on her. She sees "torches" and thinks "fire hazard"; she sees "Zen landscaping" and thinks "too lazy to plant anything." Not that she's trying to be negative or anything. "It's a fruitless quest we're both on here, dealing with the ancient forces and proclamations, and…" Jared just keeps nodding. "Most guys would have run away by now," she says. He says he agrees with her, since he thinks love should be epic, that every man should have to battle an unseen foe for the love of a beautiful princess -- or, in this case, he says, the love of a beautiful certified public accountant. Did he steal that from Kafka too? Rachel's so enthralled, she gives her tea another shot.

Kate and Victoria are strolling down the street, and here it's eleven whole minutes into the show and this is the first we get to see Victoria's legs, and meanwhile Kate is wearing some kind of couch covering with fringes, and she's checking her cell phone, which has no messages, which is a good sign because it means Rachel and Jared are still out, and Kate has a good feeling about them. Victoria, ever the romantic, thinks pairing up the CPA and the "book Nazi" means that Kate has lost her matchmaking superpowers, and Kate tosses out the ol' "opposites attract" theory and then says Jared is the ice pick and Rachel is the frozen ice sculpture, whatever THAT'S supposed to mean, and then Victoria finally asks what they're doing here, when I don't even know where they are, and Kate tells her to think "hot, naked men," and Victoria says, "You really are my best friend." Then we see a slide of Michelangelo's David projected on a big screen, and here's Victoria saying she hates Kate as they stroll up to this outdoor lecture at a museum, I guess, like, does anybody ever do anything indoors in L.A.? And how annoying that Kate can't enjoy the lecture or sell it to Victoria on its own merits and has to instead qualify it as "hot, naked men." Victoria hisses, "Why are you doing this to me?" Then we see Michael waving them over. "Suddenly, it all becomes clear," says Victoria. Kate insists that she's here for the David, not the Michael, and besides, this way she can check up on her clients. They make their way to seats next to Michael, who calls this a nice little surprise, even thought it distinctly looks like he was waiting for them and saving seats for them. After he and Kate kiss cheeks, he says, "Long time no see," and Kate's all, "Tell me about it!" and asks if this is where he's been hiding out. Michael admits that's he's becoming a huge fan, and we see why when Amy takes the podium to begin the lecture, which is about the representation of the male anatomy in the Italian Renaissance, which perks Victoria right up.

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Miss Match

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